Black Belt Mama

Drug Free PA

My best friend from high school, the one who rolled up his sleeves after my date gone wrong, is the director of Drug Free Pennsylvania. Like any non-profit, they are always looking for ways to raise money to support their organization, which does amazing things for the state of Pennsylvania. You can read about all of the things they do on their website.

If you are in the Harrisburg area, you can join them for their annual walk on May 30th. If you're not local, you can virtually walk and help raise money for the various educational prorams that help keep school aged kids off drugs and on the right track. To become a virtual walker like me, go here. It's as simple as using a PayPal account to make a donation, or printing out a registration form and sending in a check. The virtual walk takes only a few minutes of your time and is blister-free.

If you're a business or individual who would like to donate a service or product for their annual ebay auction, you can also find out about how to do that, or bid on the items yourself here.

Please help support a great organization!

A Review You Don't Want to Miss

I think the house will be ready for the virtual open house by the weekend, maybe. We're having a major curtain push tonight, so things are getting done. 

I'd like to direct your attention to The BBM Review today. I just read an absolutely haunting book and I wrote a review about it. If you have an interest in the war on terror, Gitmo, or if you just like books written by military (like I do), please check it out. There are also some other great reviews on the site. If you're starting to look for gifts for little ones in the family, there are plenty of toy and movie reviews. There are also some martial arts book reviews that have gone up. Check it out! 

Also, thanks to Marguerite for the card!

So Now You'll Know

The other day, I noticed I was getting a decent amount of traffic from Citizen of the Month.  I went to investigate (always worried people are saying mean things about me) to find out that he's a writer in LA and I just so happen to be a "current crush."  I don't need to tell you that he made my day. 

He had this fun post up about not winning blogging awards and feeling left out, and set out to change all of that with this interviewing idea.  Hoards of people commented and suddenly the Citizen of the Month had a part time job of assigning interviewers with interviewees.  To be honest, I sort of forgot about it until I got a nice email from Dave. 

Dave didn't know my blog even existed before coming here to research and think up some interesting questions.  His questions are as follows, and if you've been reading me for a while, I think you'll find you'll be getting some new information:

1. A quick perusal of your posts and background reveal your family life, adventures and challenges in martial arts, freelance and personal writing are the among many things that form the basis of your
enviable and rich life.  Do you ever feel insecure (like many men) that your professional pursuits haven't landed you a more conventional brand of success (like a CEO)?

What?  You mean I'm not the CEO???  I actually consider myself to be the Supreme Ruler of Black Belt Mama which is way better than CEO, but anyway. . . in all seriousness, I used to answer the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with one word: rich.  I'm not rich when it comes to money; but I am rich in other areas.  I have two perfect little girls (Yes, I'm extremely biased and I'm also correct).  I have a husband who loves me and this family, so much so that he's made sacrifices for all of us by working twice as hard as many others so that I don't have to work outside the home.  We made a ton of sacrifices to get where we are, selling our home to move in with my parents for a year when I had my first baby and my husband needed to switch career paths so that we'd be able to begin again on only one income. 

So no, I don't feel insecure.  Do I sometimes wish I had a bigger house, or that I was able to take more lavish vacations and buy whatever I want to buy?  Absolutely. Who doesn't wish that from time to time?  I've been very fortunate though, that I've been able to stay home with my girls, write for fun (and sometimes for some money), work from home with jobs that allow me the freedom to be a SAHM and also have some adult interaction, and do something that I love. . . write. I think I have a fairly enviable life and I'm pretty proud of it, CEO or not. 

2. You're a great writer (in my amateur opinion).  Are you obsessed over your site's traffic and do you make a significant amount of cash from your blog?

I hate to admit this, but some days I check my site traffic before I get my kids breakfast.  Obsessed doesn't even begin to describe it.  Sometimes I think I have a serious problem.  I get super happy when someone new links to me or mentions me (as long as they're not all like "I hate that BBM.  She's a . . . ".  Then it's not so great).  But yes, totally obsessed.  As far as the money issue goes, that depends on what you mean by significant?  Could I buy a bunch of bananas with my blog revenue?  Totally (Pretty cool, right?).  Could I buy a new dress?  Possibly, depending on the month and the designer.  So "significant"?  Not exactly, but I guess it all depends on what your definition of significant happens to be.   

3. You never use your name in any post I could find but you freely publish your picture.  Why the partial anonymity?

I guess I think of it this way.  I only publish pictures of me on my site that I think are exceptionally good pictures of me.  Do I look this way in real life on a regular basis?  Puh-lease!  Don't make me laugh.  So, I guess I figure no one will really recognize me.  I don't use my name on my site because I didn't want former students googling me, getting together at reunions and saying things like "Did you see that Ms. B on the internet?  Omigod, she's like a blogger, y'all."  I taught English people.  While I try to adhere as much as possible to the standards I gave my students, it just doesn't happen all the time. 

Also, crazy stalker serial killer people.  You know, general reasons.

4. You don't swear, even at the drive through of McD's when confronted with a bitchy worker.   Do your parents read your blog or are you just that virtuous?

Do my parents read my blog?  My parents have no understanding of my blog.  I mean, they've been on it every once in a while if I've told them to go read something specifically.  Maybe. When I tell them something cool about my blog like "I'm getting published" or "I got a paycheck from my blog" they sort of nod and look at each other in confusion.  Truth be told, they probably have that "I can't believe we paid X amount for college when all she's going to do is change diapers and 'blog'" conversation when I'm not around. You'll need to keep in mind that pretty much every time my Mom wants to check her email, she calls me and asks me what she's doing wrong when she can't get on, and usually, she doesn't have the computer on yet.  Ok, it's not that bad, but you get the idea. 

Virtuous?  No.  I take full responsibility for Lil C saying s%&t the other day and when she gets mad, she sometimes says "damn it" because I do too.  I also swear into a pillow at physical therapy when my PT is pushing my knee too far.  I'm horrible when I'm mad too.  Saying it is one thing though.  Putting it down in writing?  The big time swearing stuff?  I don't know.  I guess my opinion on that is sort of like my Grandmother's opinion on girls who drink out of beer bottles (which I do, but she doesn't have to know about it).  If you want to do so, that's fine.  I'll probably laugh and enjoy it.  It's just not me, not here anyway.
 
5.  I apologize for not being able to read your entire site, but is there a post where you've described using your martial arts skills to defend yourself?

No, actually there is not.  I haven't had the need to defend myself since I started taking karate.  That doesn't mean I didn't need to before I started taking karate.  I didn't write about it here before, but I was on a date that went very wrong a long time ago.  With no karate training what-so-ever, I beat the guy to a pulp.  He deserved every kick, every punch and every elbow I threw at him that day.  I got away completely unscathed; he wasn't so lucky.  Many people wonder whether or not they'll be able to defend themselves when faced with a scary situation.  I know I can. 

I train because I wanted to learn karate and be better able to defend myself.  I also truly believe that when you know your stuff, you carry yourself differently.  People just know not to mess with you, sort of like the Jedi mind tricks.  (Oh MY GOD!  Did I just say that?  Mr. BBM is getting to me.  He's seriously getting to me!)

6. I enjoyed one of your first posts, Butt Flinging "Ash Holes".  A hilarious tale, in retrospect only, that
makes a parent a parent.  I noticed your style and tone haven't changed much compared to your more recent posts.  Do you think your writing (style or content) has changed over the past couple years?

My style hasn't changed much at all.  At least I don't think it has.  I spent so many years writing that I think my style is what it is at this point.  I refined it in college and it seems to remain steady.  As far as content goes, things have changed around here a lot.  The focus of this blog was always getting to shodan and beyond; but with this acl injury, surgery and rehab, the focus has really changed.  It's not so much about getting to the black belt test anymore.  It's more about learning how to walk again the right way and getting stronger.  Overall, I think that the tone has changed and will continue to do so.  This injury is forcing me to think about things and look at things in very different ways.  I'm not quite sure where it's all going yet, but hopefully you'll all stick around for the ride.

7. We all love Neil, but after Citizen of the Month (and Dooce), what is your current favorite site on the web (doesn't have to be a blog)?

I absolutely adore Karl of Secondhand Tryptophan.  I "rented" a spot on his blog many months ago, which led to a coveted spot on his blog roll, a guest post, a video that no one can seem to forget, and a nice friendship as well.  He just cracks me up.  He has the ability to take the tiniest detail and make it so hilariously funny.

I'm a bit ashamed to admit it, but I also love MySpace.  I know, I know, but when you can search by graduation year and lurk back on all your former students and see how they turned out, and confirm that you were completely right about so-and-so. . . it's a guilty pleasure. What can I say?  No one is perfect.

Thanks to Citizen of the Month for setting this up, and to Dave for coming up with some very thought-provoking questions! 

***Don't forget to enter the contest give-away over at The BBM Review.  Check out the "My Fruit Roll-Ups" post and leave your comment before it's too late.  Make sure you check back often.  We have some cool martial-arts related give-aways coming up in February!

New Tagline in Order?

I don't know how it happened, but somehow a picture of me got submitted to a website called www.imageoak.com under the category of "karate women."  My traffic has exploded in recent days because of it.  I went to the site and was trying to figure out what exactly it is and how and why I'm on there.  Apparently, someone has to submit a web page/picture for inclusion on the site.  It's an image directory so to speak. 

So, what I want to know is, who submitted my picture to the site?  I've been getting hits from all over the world from this site and I'd really like to know who to thank for all the additional traffic.  So, I'm calling you out.  Who are you? 

I'd also like to mention here that I am the number # 1 site for the following searches on Google:

"i suck at sparring"

"black mama sex"

"sexy female black belt"

So, with that in mind, I'd like to thank all those lonely guys in Ireland, England, Spain, Italy, Indonesia and other countries throughout the world for such wonderful search engine optimization help.  It makes me proud.  I think I'm going to add a tag line to my blog that goes something like this:

"Black Belt Mama: Disappointing Men Looking for 'Black Mama Sex' since 2006". 

Searches III OR People are Strange

Stat counters are wonderful things.  You can watch your visitor statistics rise (or plummet).  You can see who is reading you and who is not.  You can find out that you have one person in Iceland who must be obsessed with your blog, and you can also find out what search terms are landing people on your site.  I've posted these results twice before, here and here.  If you haven't checked these out before, you really should. They're usually pretty funny, and the following search terms do not disappoint. . . As before, I've provided some "theme" music for your listening pleasure.  Just hit "play."

(If I had to "rate" the rest of this post as they do for the movies, I would rate it an R-Restricted.  Proceed with caution if you have children who can read around you.)

Blogalicious

There are apparently awards for bloggers.  Who knew?  Anyway, if you want to make some nominations, like I did for all my favorites, you can go here.  Nominations are accepted until 1/10 and voting takes place on 1/22.  Where's the category for favorite martial arts blog anyway?

And speaking of "blogalicious". . . (because I have that ridiculous Fergie song stuck in my head for all eternity), if you are a reader and commenter here and I haven't added you to my blogroll, please let me know.  Updating my blogroll is a royal pain in the derriere because of the way I have it formatted but I realize it may be time for some additions/edits.  And, if you've emailed me in the last month and asked for a link, it's been a crazy month.  I'll get back to you soon!

Remembering Ronald Tartaro

I remember everything about September 11, 2001.  Our baby was just five months old and we were visiting relatives in western Pennsylvania, not far from the site of the plane crash in Shanksville, PA.  When we turned the TV on and saw the horror of what was going on; I remember thinking that my life would never be the same.  I remember crying and wondering how we would even get home. At least we were all able to go home.  I remember the ticker going across the screen on CNN that began listing more and more names of those who had perished.  It was so sad.  I remember recognizing one of the names as someone I had gone to college with; but most of the names were just that. . . names.  So many names. 

Ronald Tartaro was one of those names and would not ever see home again.  Ronald was 39 years old, an Executive VP for Fred Alger Management, which was located on the 93rd floor of the World Trade Center North Tower.  Ronald Tartaro and his wife, Karen met at a party where she beat him at Trivial Pursuit.  They were married in 1993.  Karen had worked at Fred Alger Management and helped Ronald to get a job there as well.  She left shortly after they were married to raise their family.  They had three children together: two daughters and a son.  Karen describes her husband as being "the most honest person she knows."  She also said that he was "logical" and "reasonable" and that "he always did the thing that made the most sense." 

Ronald was a first generation American, born of Croatian immigrants, and was the "star of the family."  His family says that from a young age he was already making plans for his future.  He had big plans for himself and from a young age was a happy person and sweet to others. 

He loved the water and spent time as a child fishing and learning how to sail.  He graduated from Columbia University with a B.A. in 1983 and followed it a year later with an M.S.  He was an immediate success in the financial district and continued to move up through the years.  He was in the process of building a larger house on several acres in NJ for him and his family. 

One of the family's great loves was getting outdoors and cycling.  Ronald and Karen started off riding a tandem bicycle together and from what I've read about them, were as in sync on the bicycle as they were in their marriage.  With the addition of their girls, they added a bike trailer; and when their son arrived, he took over the trailer and their eldest daughter rode a bicycle attached to her Mommy's. 

Ronald Tartaro's other great love was sailing and his dream was to buy a sail boat and sail around the world.  He wanted his family and friends to accompany him on different legs of the trip.  His wife says that he almost had his sailboat funded. 

I'd like to think of Ronald Tartaro as having that sailboat he wanted so much in life.  I'm going to think of him as sailing above us all, watching over his wife, his daughters, his son, his sister, and his parents, patiently waiting until he can finally take them on a trip around the heavens. 

Special thanks to The New York Times, CNN, The Columbia Spectator, and Newsweek who were all great sources of information about Ronald Tartaro.  To read the other tributes that are part of the 2996, go here. 

Perfect Post-August

It was easy for me to pick a Perfect Post this month.  With all of the emotions involved with sending my first baby off to Kindergarten, I couldn't help but be moved by Karl's post about meeting his twin daughters for the very first time.  It took me back to the baby days with Big I which is exactly where I wish I could be right about now. 

Dropping Big I off at Kindergarten was gut wrenching, and I can only imagine what it must be like having not been able to see your daughters for the first few weeks of their lives and what that first meeting must have felt like for Karl.  If you haven't already read it, please check out his post. 

If you'd like to see other Perfect Post Winners for the month of August, you can see them here or here. 

A Mom who SHOULD feel guilty and more. . .

I am not the best parent in the world.  I don't always keep my cool.  As far as I'm concerned, anyone who says they are always a picture perfect parent who never starts to lose it, is a big fat liar.  However, there are some people who never should have had children. 

I play tennis during the summer with a group of women.  We play doubles for a couple hours every week and have a lot of fun.  Tonight we were playing and while I was about to receive a serve, I heard crying.  Loud crying.  Hysterical crying.  I glanced in the direction it was coming from and saw a little boy who was definitely no more than two years of age (and that's being generous).  He was a really little guy and was toddling along with the uncertainty of a newish walker, and was screaming hysterically with his little arms in the air.  I finished playing the point thinking that I must be wrong; a parent must be nearby.  The point ended and I instinctively starting walking towards the little boy.  He was three tennis courts away from me, just outside of the fence standing in a grassy area right by the parking lot. . . Right beside the parking lot where teenagers regularly go driving about 50 mph, radio blaring as they pass by the courts.  I yelled to the other women I was playing with, "Have any of you seen a parent with that little boy?"  They all shook their heads, "No." 

I started running.  I crossed behind the men who were playing beside us and ran behind the men who were playing beside them.  I was about at the gate.  The little toddler was still screaming hysterically.  He was still a baby.  As I got closer I realized he couldn't yet be two.  Just as I was about to reach the gate and make the final run to the distressed child, a woman in a mini-van, at LEAST six cars away from where the little boy was standing BY HIMSELF, just TWO FEET from the crowded parking lot, emerges from the van and screams at this child, "I TOLD YOU TO COME HERE!" 

She had apparently seen me running to the child's aid and sprinted her fat ass out of the van quickly enough to beat me to him.  All of the tennis had stopped on the courts.  Everyone was watching.  She quickly put him in the van and drove away.  I highly doubt he was properly restrained in a car seat. 

When I wrote a while back about having an urge to use my karate to teach some teenage boys a lesson after almost killing me and Lil C by driving too fast around a dangerous curve, I received warnings and words of caution.  I may get them now, but I seriously wanted to POUND this woman. If she hadn't driven away as fast as she did in her dark minivan, I would have definitely had some strong words for her.  She better seriously hope she does not see me again.

The thing is this: every mother (and father) has a day like that.  Every mother has one of those days where you just feel ready to crack.  Every mother has been in a situation where "it's time to go" and your little one has a completely different idea.  Every mother is going to have a day when their child is having an absolute tantrum and you just can't deal anymore. 

The difference between a good mother and a bad one is that good ones know how to deal with this situation.  If your child is still in a crib, you place the child calmly in the crib with a few of his/her favorite toys and walk away and collect yourself.  If your child is older, you send them to their room, where they are safe and you will have a moment or two to yourself.  Who among mothers hasn't been there?  We all have and if you say that you haven't, I'll say it again: you are a big far liar, or your child isn't old enough to really test you yet, or you don't spend enough time with your kids.  It happens to the best of us. 

Bad mothers, like the one tonight, have days like this and deal with them in a ridiculous way that could potentially cause harm to their child.  I get it that the child did not want to leave the park; but when your child is this small, you pick him/her up and put them in their car seat, kicking and screaming, whatever.  If you have to carry them on your side, head out the front, feet out the back, you do so.  You DO NOT leave your child unattended near a busy, crowded PARKING LOT of all places.  I get the whole, "I'm leaving. . . " thing.  I would be lying if I said I never did this.  Would I EVER do this in a parking lot?  NO WAY!  It works in the Disney Store; it works at amusement parks, but I would NEVER do this in a parking lot and I would NEVER let myself be as far away as that woman was from her son.  I would NEVER try this technique with a child as young as that little boy. 

He was not even old enough to understand what she was doing.  There is no way he could have possibly comprehended that he was supposed to follow.  He probably didn't even see her, because she was THAT. FAR. AWAY. 

The worst part of this whole night is knowing that little boy went home with THAT woman. I can only hope that she got herself together by the time they arrived home.

I often feel like I could be a better Mom.  I think that I should take my kids to the park more, or to the pool more, or come up with new things to do more frequently.  Every Mom has "Mom Guilt" and it's usually there unnecessarily. 

If that mother has "Mom Guilt" she deserves it 100%.  She should be ashamed of herself.   

I just had to get that off my chest. 

(Deep exhale)

And on to happier things. . .

Yep, you saw it here.  I'm just getting all famous and stuff.  Now I'm being "interviewed".  I'm special, what can I say.  I wish that button said, "Hey Girls and Guys" because I know I have a LOT of male readers; and I love all my readers dearly regardless of what type of equipment you have.  But, if you just can't get enough of me today, you can click on that happy looking chick and check out my interview.  After you check out the interview for Black Belt Mama, you can also read the interview from Birth Stories, which has also been listed on the site.  That interview can be found here. 

And speaking of not being able to get enough of me. . . my black octagonal sai are IN!  They have finally arrived, which means a video of yours truly trying to do justice to Kyan No Sai may be just around the corner.  I said "MAY BE."  I feel like I should let all my fellow karate-ka's know I'm legit; but at the same time, I would much rather make you laugh and get enjoyment from my words, my writing.  Posting a video that can be picked apart by all (and potentially laughed at), especially since I've been "found out" is a little intimidating.  So, I will post a video of Kyan No Sai under these conditions:

• After video is shot, if wrinkles are highly visible-the video is getting tossed.
• If I'm having a bad hair day-the video is getting tossed. 
• If I start talking to myself during the kata-the video is getting tossed.
• If my husband starts laughing while filming the kata-the video is getting tossed.

Can you deal with these conditions?  Can you follow your mother's advice if I post a video and "If you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself"?  You think about it, and I will too. . . maybe. . .

You know what else has arrived?  Yep, that's right. . .

Lil C's baby gi is here, which means that a new picture is forth-coming.  I think I might wait until after testing though, in September.  Maybe Big I will have another green stripe, and I just might be flaunting the fall's must have color and accessory for any karate-ka. . . brown belt.

New Gig and Exciting News

I wrote a post recently about Mommy Bloggers.  I never published it.  The basic idea of it was that I don't know what kind of blogger I am.  I'm a Mom and I blog, so do people consider me a Mommy Blogger?  Or, do they consider me something else entirely?  The post was about me not being really sure where I fit into the whole blogging categorizing stereotyping thing.  (I had the same dilemma in high school when I was a cheerleader/field hockey player/saxophonist in the jazz band/student council member/writer for school paper/ping pong club member/prom committee.  Yes, I said ping pong club.  That's a whole other post.)

If I'm a "Karate Blogger". . . GREAT!  Happy to be a member of the club.  If I'm a "Mommy Blogger". . . Cool!  A lot of my favorite reads are Mommy Bloggers and I'd joyfully accept my membership in that club as well.  I take it personally when I hear about Mommy Blogger bashing.  After all, it is a free country, and individuals have a choice of what to read and what not to.  Why don't the bashers just decide NOT to read the Mommy Bloggers instead of making a big deal out of such a silly issue?  It seems like a waste of time to me.   

While lots of "Mommy bloggers" are getting gigs out there writing about parenting and kids, etc., I'm getting different kinds of offers entirely.  I already told you about my hometown newspaper blog.  They asked me to write about karate, and I only post my karate posts there because I don't want people knowing too much of my business around town.  I also like a certain degree of anonymity, especially when my children are involved.  (Of course, we've all learned this week that anonymity can be blown out the door without warning.) 

Then came an email from an unlikely source. . . Last week I was asked to write some exclusive posts for a website called "Save the Soldiers".  Their website is in existence entirely to support the troops wherever they are, whatever they may be doing.  They were looking to expand their "Off Topic" area and asked me to write for them.

It occurred to me that I must not be a "Mommy Blogger" if "Save the Soldiers" is asking me to write for them.

I thought it was a very worthy cause.  I already know of a couple soldiers who like my site, so I thought why not?  If you'd like to read my latest post over there, you can view it here.  I'll be posting an exclusive there once a week. 

When you come back from there, give my renter a hello, and help her pick a baby name already!  Her time here will end this weekend and you don't want to miss how she goes through the names and hashes each one out. 

And speaking of babies. . . I told you a few weeks ago about little Julia.  You can visit her site under my "If I'm not here, I'm there" roll call.  After enduring a few weeks now of chemotherapy and nasty side effects, losing her hair, and being in the hospital more than at home. . . they did a scan of her brain to check on whether or not the chemo is doing its job on her brain tumor. 

I am overjoyed to report that her tumor is at least half the size it was previously.  It's amazing how you can care so much about someone you've never even met.  I cried tears of joy this morning and just had to share the news.  If you've said a prayer for her, thank you and KEEP IT UP! 

Also, Deryck's daughter, Percy recently had open heart surgery.  He has a great site and a heart-warming story, not to mention the adorable pictures. 

Also, the latest birth story is up.  I truly never realized how many women still had natural childbirth.  I thought I was alone in that (I know I was the lone screamer at the hospital both nights that I gave birth).  I am actively looking for submissions, so if you are interested please see the guidelines over on the site, and shoot me an email when you have your submission ready! 

"Because they still haven't found what they're looking for. . . "

It was right around the 4th of July when I published the first edition of the searches that have landed readers on my site.  It's now the 4th of August and let me tell you, there have been some good ones. I picked the best of the last month.  Before digging into the list, you may want to scroll down and hit play.  I've kindly provided theme music.

1. kicked leg tae kwon do ice or heat- The answer is. . . .IBUPROFEN and then ICE, ICE, ICE.  When I hurt my back a few years ago, my chiropractor recommended ice for the first week.  When I had a visit from the Rice Crispie boys a few weeks ago, it was all about the ice as well. 
   
2. what happens when knee pops-Several moments after the kicked leg search, this search landed on my site.  I can help the person who did this search.  The answer to what happens is simple and can be summed up in one word. . . PAIN.  See the first search for advice on how to deal with the pain.
3. learn karate free online videos-Yeah, good luck with that.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  You can NOT learn karate online.  If you already have a basic understanding of it, you can look to the internet for videos that can supplement your learning.  However, nothing replaces the importance of training in a dojo, with real live people.  I highly doubt you'll ever be fighting air. 
   
4. is puke biodegradable-Yes, it is.  Wish I would have thought of that at the beach. 
5. my boyfriend does not want to propose-I constantly get searches from queries like this.  Nothing you read on the internet is going to make your boyfriend propose.  If you want to get married and he doesn't and he's not indicating that he has any plans to spend the future with you, get out now before you waste any more of your time.
6. why men can't look woman in the eye- There are three possible reasons.  1. He's looking at your chest.  2.  He's lying.  3.  He's too shy to.  If the answer is 1 or 2, feel free to kick him in the shin.
7. i am pregnant and I think i have food poisoning-Oh My!  I feel so sorry for you.  Pregnancy can be puke inducing all on its own, but add food poisoning and you've got a nightmare in the making.  Seek medical help immediately.  Please.  Trust me.  And if you don't believe this little snippet of advice, read this. 
8. black mama AND beach ball sized belly- How did this search land on my site, and why in the hell is someone looking for these criteria?  Oh yeah, I forgot. . . because beach-ball sized bellies are sooooo hot.  It's all the rage right now.  You only need take a stroll around the mall to see a beach-ball like belly sticking out the top of some seriously too low jeans, on someone who should probably still be playing with Barbie dolls or Little People.  Sad and wrong, just like that search.
   
9. little black biting fly 3 body segments swimming pool-Run for cover!  No really, those bites are horrendous.  Make it an indoor movie day.
10. my registration expired and my sticker is fake- O.k. that's not good.  My sticker wasn't fake and I still had to pay an arm and a leg. 
    
11. pictures of elderly doing martial arts- The fact that this search landed on my site is enough to make me want to curl up in the fetal position and sleep for a long long time. . .

While I'm sleeping off my sadness, go see my renter who is about to experience the first time in a long time that she's been without parental responsibilities. 

Perfect Post-July

When I asked to be one of the presenters, I had no idea how hard it would be to choose a "perfect post."  I can be a picky person.  But when I found this post, at "Welcome to My Closet, Here's a Black Dress", I knew I had found it.  She writes about change and more specifically her fear of change.  She writes so well.  Here's just one example: "I watched my body change as he grew inside of me and now I watch the shape of my days change as he grows outside of me."  This post was just so honest, and provided so much food for thought that I couldn't not give it a Perfect Post award. 

Go check it out.  If you'd like to read other Perfect Post's for the month of July you can visit Suburban Turmoil or Petroville.  (You can also just click on the perfect post award button.)
 

In other news, there's a new birth story posted, so please check it out.  I am looking for new submissions as well, so spread the word and get writing. 

Also, if you haven't already done so, please go visit my renter.  Click on the thumbnail in the side bar and you'll be taken to visit Ramblings of a Not-So Typical Stay at Home Mom.  She won't be there for much longer and you don't want to miss her!

Exciting News!!!

There are a lot of exciting announcements in the blogging world right now.  There's a pregnancy or two, engagements, etc. But I am here to tell you something so exciting, so Earth-shatteringly good, that it just may blow your mind.  My announcement is not something as common as a pregnancy or an engagement.  It isn't an announcement about one of my girls; it's not a new job, new house, or a new wardrobe (although that would be very exciting.)  No, my news is so fantastic that it has the ability to lift my mood and instantly make me feel giddy with happiness.  Are you ready for it?  Do you think you can handle it?  Are you sitting down?

My hair stylist? 

He's NOT moving! I repeat, NOT MOVING! 

Did you hear that?  He has changed his mind and will not be leaving the area.  I am so ecstatic that each one of the hairs on my head is currently doing a little jig.  O.k. maybe that's just the humidity, but I am so thrilled that I don't think anything could ruin this moment. . .

Not even the fact that Zayra is still on Rockstar.  Seriously guys, why?  Did the producers make you keep her in hopes of having another encounter with the spaceship that brought her? 

It's messed up. 

And while we're on the subject of messed up. . .
Jump! Jump!
Tommy Lee will make you
Jump! Jump!
Supernova will make you
Jump! Jump!
uh huh, uh huh

Or more like "Huh?  Who is picking your wardrobe?  Tuesday night Tommy Lee shows up looking like he's going to a drag queen show. 

Wednesday night, he's suddenly joining Kris Kross???

Later he traded in his sideways hat for horns.

I know he wants to start a new band and all, but the Kris Kross meets gas station attendant get-up is taking it a bit far. If Zayra doesn't have a singing career ahead of her, maybe she can be his new stylist.  Now that would make things interesting.

Speaking of interesting, the latest birth story is up.  You can read it here.  "J" wrote this story up recently and her daughter is 10 years old now. I think I'll be lucky if I even remember what my name is when my daughter is 10.  Keep the submissions coming!  I know several readers are working on their stories to submit, and many of you have been kind enough to plug the site.  I think it's catching on, so thank you!

Now me and my hair are going to go party in celebration of my stylist staying put!

And please go visit my renter if you haven't already.  Her thumbnail isn't working but her site is too cute to miss.

Not going to BlogHer so BlogMe

I'm not going.  When everyone was just starting to talk about the BlogHer conference, I was just starting my blog.  I was all like "What?  There's an actual conference for bloggers?"  As much as I would have liked to pack a bag and head to San Jose, I felt silly.  I'm a newbie.  I'd probably be the one standing in the corner by myself feeling all wall-flowerish.  Blogging, especially Mommy blogging can be a little clique-ish sometimes.  I hate cliques.  No really, hate cliques.  (I also can't stand when people comment on your site all the time, and then you blogroll them and then they completely disappear from the face of the Earth never to return to your site ever, ever again, but I digress). 

So, there's this BlogHer online mixer for people who are going to the conference (or not).  Since I'm one of the "not's" I thought I'd at least participate in this.  Are there people I'd like to interview?  Sure.  But, I don't know whether or not they would participate, so I'm just interviewing myself.  You're supposed to pick five questions from this list.  I don't get all the link here, link there stuff, but I'll just give it my best shot.  Here goes:

1. Who do you read every day, rain or shine?

See that blogroll over there?  Yeah, them.  Because I know that my karate bloggers don't always post every day, I make sure to check in with them at least every other day.  I don't always comment, mostly because my little one is usually climbing all over my keyboard which makes it a bit difficult.  I always make sure to check in with Amalah.  Her son is only a week older than my daughter so I like to see what he's up to.  Same reason with Maniacal Days.  Her daughter is close in age to Lil C as well.  Izzymom is always good for a laugh or two or some interesting insight.  J at Thinking About is constantly posting something interesting.  In fact, I wonder how she does it.  (Oh yeah, her daughter is a lot older than my kids.)

2. Are you and your blogging persona the same person?

Absolutely.  What you read is what you get.  People who know me in real life know that they never have to guess what I'm thinking about.  Never.  Friends often tell me that they like me because I "shoot straight from the hip"; and I think I do that on this blog as well.  The only difference?  I probably swear more in real life.  For some reason, I just can't seem to type very many profanities. (Did I mention my Mom reads this blog and thinks that "sucks" is a swear word?)  If we had a swear jar in this house, I'd probably be broke.  I'm trying though. . . sort of.

3. What don’t you write about? Anything considered a no-no in your book?

I don't complain about my husband on this blog.  I might jokingly complain about him here like when he almost broke my leg; but the real stuff doesn't see the black and white.  That's not fair to him, and that's my decision without his input.  Also, our arguments are usually over relatively quickly and I don't need or want a written record of it.  I also don't complain about family or friends because I don't have anything to complain about with them they read my blog. 

4. What is your favorite thing that you wrote? What got a strong reaction from readers? Links please?

My favorite thing that I wrote is the post "Why men don't have house parties".  I got so many emails from people who just cracked up.  The words were just really flowing the night I wrote that, and it just really hit home for a lot of readers. I got a strong reaction when I entered the political realm and wrote about the Duke Rape Case.  But, I also had fun making fun of my heckler. 

5. Have you ever anonymously posted on a site to flame them?

No.  If I disagree, or don't have anything nice to say I usually just leave.  Once or twice, I disagreed or called someone out on something that was a bunch of political garbage and gladly attached my signature and http address.  Why wouldn't I?  I'm not afraid to let people know what I think.  Doing so anonymously would be hypocritical since I hate when people try to do that here.

If you want to play, see the link above and go for it.  While everyone is singing karaoke and having a blast at BlogHer, I'll still be here. . .

Have a drink and sing some Pebbles for me.

Kids you should know

A couple weeks ago, right around the time my friend passed away, my Mom told me about this little girl Julia.  Julia is only two years old and has been diagnosed with cancer in the form of an aggressive inoperable brain tumor.   My Mom knows her grandmother and told me how devastated the family is with this recent diagnosis.  Julia has a twin sister and two loving parents who are having to make some of the hardest decisions they've ever made.  Julia is currently having chemotherapy and as of tonight she is back in the hospital due to a fever and a very low blood count.  They have a web site at Caring Bridge where you can track Julia's progress and leave her and her family well-wishes.  Even if you're mostly a lurker here, please go over there and say hello in the guest book and send your thoughts and prayers.  They cherish messages from people who care about them and their daughter.  It gives the family strength to know there are so many people thinking about them and little Julia.

Another kid you should know about is my friend's son.  His name is Chase and he was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes a few years ago.  He has started writing a newsletter about kids with diabetes and has done fund-raisers on his own to raise money for kids with diabetes.  One of his fundraisers provided Crystal Light packs for kids to put in their water bottles at school lunches.  Now he has another mission.  He is attempting to write a book by collecting 100 stories from others who have been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.  If you have Type 1 Diabetes and are interested in writing up your story, you can email Chase at: whenigotdiabetes@aol.com.  If you know of someone who might be interested, please pass along this information.  Chase is a great kid and is really trying to help other kids who have been recently diagnosed by having a book filled with stories from others who have been diagnosed with the disease and are living with it, to let them know they're not alone.

Some other amazing little ones now have their stories published over at Birth Stories and the response has been great.  Check them out, and keep the submissions coming.  The latest story is from Izzy of Izzymom. 

Birth Story

The first birth story is published over at Birth Stories.  Please check it out, and consider submitting your own!

Birth of a Blog

Because one just wasn't enough, I have started another blog called "Birth Stories." Within a week of coming home with each of my baby girls, I sat down and wrote out the stories of their births.  I thought that it was important for my memory, and that one day my daughters would cherish the memory as well. 

When I started blogging a few months ago, I realized what an amazing blogging community is out there.  I have my karate bloggers as well as the Mommy bloggers; and I love both factions equally well.  I've enjoyed reading other blogs and I've especially enjoyed when the Mommy bloggers (and occasional Daddy blogger) post the birth stories of their little ones.  Each story is so unique, so special, and so empowering.  Giving birth is truly an amazing experience. 

To honor the birth stories of mothers (and potentially fathers who would like to share their accounts as well), I have started this new blog.  One of my daughter's birth stories will appear there later this week; and I hope that it catches on.  I envision it as a place where birthing veterans can reminisce, as well as a place for new mom's-to-be to go and find comfort, strength, and knowledge. If you have a birth story that you would like to contribute, please see the submission guidelines, and email your amazing tale to me at black-belt-mama at hotmail dot com. 

Now please, check out the new digs.  I think you'll like them.

The post that will make my Mom strongly recommend that I delete my blog

I am understandably in a little bit of a funk here.  My sister-in-law told me that there are five stages of grieving: DABDA.  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance.  I'm stuck in Denial and Anger.  I'm becoming more angry about my friend's death every minute. I just don't understand why . . .

So, in an attempt to break out of this funk and try to let all my loyal readers (all seven of you) have a chuckle or two, I present to you the post that I've been saving for such an occasion: THE SEARCHES THAT HAVE LANDED ON THIS SITE, courtesy of technorati, Google, yahoo, etc. For those of you non-bloggers who read here, there are site meters that show you which sites bring readers to your web page and what they typed into the search engine in order to land on your site.  Below are some of the best ones that I've been accumulating for months now, along with a little message to those who have landed here and continue to under these criteria.  Enjoy; I know I have.

• go-cart clothes for boys that are black-  O.k. are we looking for black go-kart clothing and if so what the heck is that because there is certainly none of that here.  Sorry to disappoint.
• how do i know when my boyfriend will propose to me-If this is my sister who landed here on this search. . . knowing your boyfriend, who the hell knows?  Certainly not me.  If this is anyone else, I would strongly advise asking your boyfriend what his plans are for your future, because you most certainly aren't going to find clues to that on the Internet, unless of course your boyfriend has a blog.  That, however, is doubtful.
• food poisoning blog  vomit OR toilet OR explosion OR diarrhea OR puke OR barf-  All I can say is that someone happened to find my site on the day of the food poisoning post and just HAD. TO. FIND. THAT. ENTRY. AGAIN. AND. NOW.  I seriously doubt there is another search that so eloquently sums up my experience with that very badly behaved scallop.  Glad you found what you were looking for.
• Phone Sex Karate-  I don't know what this could possibly be; but I most certainly do not participate in any such activity, nor will you find any discussion of that here.  Please try different search criteria.  Frankly, this one just freaks me out. 
• Muscular rude gym girls- Hmmm, where to begin on this one.  Muscular?  Not so much. Rude? To rude people?  Certainly.  Gym?  Not likely from this gal.  Hope you found what you were looking for, but once again, probably not here.
• Strippers ass shaking- Yeah, not here.
• Women with junk in the trunk- I have never been accused of having junk in my trunk.  Actually that's not true.  In my trunk you may find: a stroller, tennis racket, tennis balls, karate weapons, diaper bag, baby wrap, backpack carrier, grocery bags. . . I could go on, but you get the idea.  Once again, probably not what you had in mind.
• Black Mama sex (or Fat Black Mama Sex)-This search lands someone on my site at least six times a day. No, seriously.  AT LEAST six times a day.  I'm thinking this is what happened: some dude out there decided that he was looking for some of that.  My site popped up because "Black" and "Mama" appear in my name.  "Sex" appears only when I speak about sex offenders.  So, this person searching for "black mama sex" shows up on my site and is HIGHLY disappointed to find that the "Black Belt Mama" is indeed white, and she most certainly is not talking about or doing anything even slightly sexy.  Still, the site is compelling enough to spend some time on, but not exciting enough for this guy to write down or bookmark the site.  So, everyday, when he wants to take a break from online pornography and cash in on some "Black Belt Mama" reading, he types in the search criteria above and knows he will find this site.  It's really the only logical thing, right?
• Mature women squatting-I'm not touching this one with a 10-foot pole.  I will say, however, that I am extremely disgruntled that the word "mature" brought up my site.
• Making mama fit: the ultimate game plan- Are you hoping to get your post-partum wife into shape?  Or are you concerned about your mama's physical fitness?  Either way, no info for you here.  Oh, but if you find the "Ultimate Game Plan" please let me know what it is, especially if it doesn't involve much work.
• Female black belt pole dancer- Is there such a thing?  Somehow I find it hard to believe that a black belt female would want to pole dance.  You know, that whole respect for yourself thing.  Then again, I guess she wouldn't really need bouncers. . . who knows?  None here.  Trust me.
• Extremely sore belly button-Please see your doctor.  I'm no expert, but it's probably a fungus.  How the hell did this search land on my site? (Scratching head. . . or belly button.)
• How to make a flip flop cake-I can tell you how to avoid doing a flip flop chain letter.  It's simple.  Don't mail out the letter.  Just say no.  I also have advice on saying no to home parties.  I have no advice for you on the cake though, other than: consult a professional.
• what to do if tick head is still in-There was great debate about this in my comments section on my bug post.  I will tell you what the doctors told me.  Vaseline, matches, nail polish on the tick?  They can all make the tick regurgitate back into your body, thus increasing the chances that you will get sick.  Use a tweezers and gently pull.  Even though we didn't have the best results with this, I'll take that over tick puke any day. 

Well, my visitor stats should soar through the roof now.  I'm going to sit back and watch the fireworks, literally.  Have a Happy 4th of July weekend everyone.  Thank you to all who commented and emailed to send me condolences and positive thoughts regarding the loss of my friend.  I truly appreciate your friendship. 

This post brought to you by BBB

The gauntlet has been thrown down by Mrs. Misfortune.  My alter ego has been tagged/summoned to inform you nice people who were probably expecting a nice post, 20 things that I don't like.  Even though BBM is quite the spit-fire, BBB (last part rhymes with witch. . . I won't say it because my Mom reads this blog and alter-ego or not, she doesn't appreciate swearing from either of us.  In fact she doesn't even like the word "suck", but enough of that.)  So, since BBM had her 4th kyu test tonight and also had to spar with two brown belts who are testing for black in two weeks who had something to prove, she's going to go rest (sissy) and I'm going to rant. . .

Twenty (that's it???) Things I DON'T LIKE

1.  Sparring with a 10-year old who is testing for black belt in two weeks, who decides that since you are an adult, to hell with control.  Who needs control?  Oh, and since when are the mammaries the new solar plexus.  When people?  I didn't get the memo.  Neither did my girls.

2.  The fact that when sparring with said 10-year old, BBM decides to back off, because he is 10 after all, and is about 4 feet tall, and oh, his mother is in the dojo.  When I say back off, I mean complete with smiling while sparring and being all "I'm sorry" even when she got a good shot off.  I, for one, am not sorry.  Stuff it BBM.

3. People who think that being a Stay-at-Home Mom deprives my child of social interaction since I didn't put her in pre-pre-pre school at age 5 weeks of age.  Guess what people?  15-20 years ago, day care was not the norm.  SAHM's were much more common.  Their children all turned out perfectly fine.  I happen to be one of them.  If you've got guilt for going to work, deal with it on your own time.  Don't put me down to make yourself feel better.  I don't do it to you.

4.  People who have boundary issues, as in "Don't water my freaking flowers unless I ask you to.  I know you're trying to be nice and all; but you're going to kill them because I just freaking watered them."  (Deep breath, deep breath.)

5.   The show ER.  (I'm kind of stealing this one from Mrs. MisFortune but for different reasons.) I used to love it.  Now, it's so political, and not done in a smart way at all. 

Scene:  6 year old comes in with a broken finger.  Dr. Pratt treats his broken finger, and then goes into the meds room and pounds his fist on the wall while saying, "Damn you George Bush.  We should be worried about kids with broken fingers, not Iraq."  It's so transparent and so annoying.  I used to watch the show to be entertained; I don't watch it for unintelligent political banter.  I don't really give a crap what your producers think about politics.  AND, if you're going to make a political connection, try to make it at least a little bit realistic.  A soldier dying. . . o.k. I see your point.  Kid in ER with no connection to war. . . you lost me.  Seriously, it got so ridiculous during one of the last episodes that we watched that my husband and I started blaming everything on George Bush, ER- style, to make fun of the show.  BBM stubs toe and says, "Damn you George Bush."  Mr. BBM bites his tongue while eating, (shakes fist to the sky) "Damn you George Bush; This is ALL YOUR FAULT." 

6.  When good people die young.  BBM is upset about this; I am just plain pissed about it.  More on this in a later post from BBM.

7.  The fact that it takes a grown man a good 20 minutes minimum to empty their bowels.  Dude, if I have 20 seconds and a smidgen of privacy I feel lucky.  Push guys, freaking PUSH!

8.  I don't like when people litter and treat the world as a personal ash tray.  BBM gets her gi all in a bunch about that too.

9.  I don't like when people don't use the "to be" verb.  Example:  The car needs washed. The car most certainly does not "need washed."  It needs TO BE washed, damn it.  Man, that's annoying.

10.  I don't like when people slurp soup or cereal.  CAN. NOT. STAND.  Got that husband?

11. While on the topic of food. . . I don't like bad dip manners as in: super scooping, finger dipping/licking, and double dipping.  It's so GROSS!

12. I don't like it when people don't keep their dogs on leashes.  These are the people who seem to think that the world is their dog's personal playground.  Guess what?  It's not.  Not now, not ever.  These are the people who let their dog pee or poop wherever they deem appropriate which is inevitably nowhere near an appropriate place.  These are the same people who leave the poop where it lands and think nothing of the fact that someone else will be inconvenienced by it.  These are the people who let their dogs run through your freshly grass-seeded yard and then casually collect their dog, WITHOUT AN APOLOGY, after the dog has jumped all over your white gi pants when you're on your way to karate testing.  Bitter much?  No, not me. 

13.  While on the topic of dogs, I don't like it when people ask you about your kids, and then compare your kids to their dog.  My kids. . . your dog. . . not on the same level here. 

14.  I don't like it when T.O. and other athletes complain about multi-million dollar salaries, especially those who appear on TV interviews whining about how they need to support their family, and on and on and on.  I have some advice for you:  Take out the 10 carat earrings from each ear.  Buy a freaking normal watch like the rest of us.  Live in a home that doesn't have 20 bedrooms.  Drive a car that you didn't have to special order from Italy, and be smart about your millions.  Then I wouldn't have to watch your interview and laugh at how pathetically stupid you are. 

15.  I don't like anonymous mean, rude commenters, especially ones who then email me to complain about me not posting their comments and calling my blog "censored," etc.  See my about page.  Too lazy to go?  I'll sum it up for you:  If you don't like what you're reading, get lost.  No one is making you read this.  This is a blog, not a newspaper, and BBM (and her alter ego) serve as the judge, jury and executioner.  We will axe your comments without a second thought, and possibly write a post about how stupid you are too.

16.  I don't like it when people think that because I take karate, then logically I must be some kind of person who goes out and tries to start fights.  If you think that, I encourage you to read up on the martial arts.  Any good martial artist only uses their skills when absolutely necessary, and most certainly not to show off. 

17.  I don't like that BBM can't say NO when it comes to home parties.

18.  I don't like when people get all bleeding heart about sexual predators/child molesters and act like they can be rehabilitated.  They can't.

19.  I don't like whatever made that scallop decide it was going to declare war on my digestive system.

20.  I don't like that BBM is totally bugging me to finish this up so she can write her post about kyu testing and sparring because I've already told you pretty much all there is to know with #1 of this list. 

Now, who to possess tag. . . Izzy, Wayward Goddess, Mat, Sesame, Amateur Shutterbug, and Maniacal.  I'm also going to tag Amalah because BBM did it before and it was fun.  I'm not even doing it for a jump in visitor stats like what happened last time because I removed Blog Top Sites from my site because it was just too depressing, addicting, and annoying AND it never worked.  But this time, I'm not going to tell her I tagged her because I'm all alter-ego mean like that.  We'll find out if she ever stops by (not), and then BBM will get all sad, and I'll be all like "suck it up girlfriend," etc. etc.  I figure with all her freelance writing lately, maybe she's hurting for some topics and I can probably guess that one of the things she hates is deadlines. 

If anyone is feeling sorry because BBB didn't tag you. . . deal with it.  I picked those who I know have to have an evil side, just lurking below the surface.  Anyone else who wants to give it a go?  Be my guest.  Just be sure to come back here and let BBM know;  she likes to be thorough like that.  And if you don't do it. . . you'll have to deal with me.

Black Belt Bizitch Out.

Carnival Time

When Kailani emailed and asked me to participate in a carnival, I was a little confused.  There's no cotton candy, and there are no rides. . . but there are prizes and tons of great writing.  If you're interested and don't already have enough blogs to read, check it out.  Anyone can participate. . .

Take me to the Carnival of Family Life. . .

Just to update you. . . the little summer flu we've got going on here is none other than the Coxsackie Virus.  If you've been fortunate enough to avoid ever having it or watching your kids go through it, consider yourself extremely lucky.  Lil C is on the mend and finally ate some solid food today.  Her throat, like her mama's last week, was just too sore to get anything besides fluids down the chute.  So far, Big I and Mr. BBM have avoided it.  We're hoping our bout with it is soon over. 

Edited to add:  As of this evening, Big I has a fever of 100.  Will it never end?

I

I AM Black Belt Mama.
I WANT my husband, the chemist, to invent an SPF pill so that I don't have to slather any more sunscreen on me or my kids.
I WISH I would win the Powerball while in the state of Delaware, so that I could win without anyone knowing, and surprise my friends and family with enormous checks and then move to the Outer Banks.
I MISS the days when I was in college, after I first met my husband, when we would go to parties, hang out at bars playing darts and eating wings, dancing, and having a blast.
I HEAR the ocean waves outside my bedroom window.  I LOVE this beach house.
I WONDER if my sister's boyfriend will ever freaking propose already.  Seriously, what is he waiting for?  The diamond monopoly to end???
I REGRET not having a midwife deliver my first daughter, because I probably would have looked less like the girl from the exorcist if a midwife had been in charge.
I AM NOT what you would call a "sweetheart."  My husband says I'm his "spit-fire".  It sort of ticks me off when he calls me that.  I prefer to think that I spit venom as opposed to fire.
I DANCE to anything hip-hop, or rap with a dance beat, especially 50 cents "You can find me in a club. . . " 
I AM NOT ALWAYS the easiest person to get along with.  I can be quite demanding.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS crocheted baby blankets, booties, and hats. (I know. Who saw that coming from the Black Belt Mama?)
I WRITE to my daughters in journals that I plan to give them some day.
I CONFUSE birthdays of my friends and family members all the time.  So much so, in fact, that I usually just keep some "Happy Belated Birthday" cards in the house at all times.
I NEED to have Paul Newman's Family Style Italian salad dressing in my house at all times.  It's so bad, that I've even considered buying little packets of it to carry it around in my purse like an old lady so I can have decent dressing on my salads at restaurants.
I SHOULD have started taking karate classes when I was younger. It would have helped me out in so many ways.
I START craving chocolate each day around lunch time.
I FINISH arguments, because like Calista, who tagged me, I absolutely must have the last word. 
I TAG everyone in my blog roll who hasn't already done this.  (Check back and let me know you have!)

This was written before the food poisoning episode at the beach.  If I had written it during or after the food poisoning episode it would have looked a whole lot different.  I'm sure you can imagine.

I am back from vacation; and want to thank you all for your well wishes with the whole food poisoning thing.  I was able to recover after a day or two and enjoy the rest of my vacation.  I made very sure to avoid scallops for the rest of the week.  I took my chances with Mad Cow Disease for the rest of the week and ate steaks and burgers instead. 

Now, it's back to the daily grind.  And by daily grind, I mean HOLY CRAP, I TOTALLY NEED TO BABY PROOF!  In just two weeks, Lil C has changed so much.  I wonder how I will ever check my email or blog again while she's awake.  I think that it's just not going to happen.  She is now crawling 90 mph across the room.  Of course, she goes for the most dangerous things of all: the marble slab in front of the fire place, the entertainment center with the glass door, any little toys Big I has left out.  Not only is she crawling ridiculously fast, but she is also standing and pulling herself up like you would not believe.  She can do it from a sitting position; she can also do it from the lying on her belly position (She has ridiculously long arms, just like her mama.)  Big I had some fear when it came to standing up and trying to cruise around furniture; not Lil C.  She has no fear.  She just lets go whenever the mood moves her so I have now become her human shadow.  There will be no rest people, from here on out. 

Speaking of no rest, I test for 4th kyu (green belt with three brown stripes) in four weeks. . . four ridiculously short weeks. . .

Vacation pictures and kata progress to follow this week. . .

I AM Black Belt Mama.
I WANT my husband, the chemist, to invent an SPF pill so that I don't have to slather any more sunscreen on me or my kids.
I WISH I would win the Powerball while in the state of Delaware, so that I could win without anyone knowing, and surprise my friends and family with enormous checks and then move to the Outer Banks.
I MISS the days when I was in college, after I first met my husband, when we would go to parties, hang out at bars playing darts and eating wings, dancing, and having a blast.
I HEAR the ocean waves outside my bedroom window.  I LOVE this beach house.
I WONDER if my sister's boyfriend will ever freaking propose already.  Seriously, what is he waiting for?  The diamond monopoly to end???
I REGRET not having a midwife deliver my first daughter, because I probably would have looked less like the girl from the exorcist if a midwife had been in charge.
I AM NOT what you would call a "sweetheart."  My husband says I'm his "spit-fire".  It sort of ticks me off when he calls me that.  I prefer to think that I spit venom as opposed to fire.
I DANCE to anything hip-hop, or rap with a dance beat, especially 50 cents "You can find me in a club. . . " 
I AM NOT ALWAYS the easiest person to get along with.  I can be quite demanding.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS crocheted baby blankets, booties, and hats. (I know. Who saw that coming from the Black Belt Mama?)
I WRITE to my daughters in journals that I plan to give them some day.
I CONFUSE birthdays of my friends and family members all the time.  So much so, in fact, that I usually just keep some "Happy Belated Birthday" cards in the house at all times.
I NEED to have Paul Newman's Family Style Italian salad dressing in my house at all times.  It's so bad, that I've even considered buying little packets of it to carry it around in my purse like an old lady so I can have decent dressing on my salads at restaurants.
I SHOULD have started taking karate classes when I was younger. It would have helped me out in so many ways.
I START craving chocolate each day around lunch time.
I FINISH arguments, because like Calista, who tagged me, I absolutely must have the last word. 
I TAG everyone in my blog roll who hasn't already done this.  (Check back and let me know you have!)

This was written before the food poisoning episode at the beach.  If I had written it during or after the food poisoning episode it would have looked a whole lot different.  I'm sure you can imagine.

I am back from vacation; and want to thank you all for your well wishes with the whole food poisoning thing.  I was able to recover after a day or two and enjoy the rest of my vacation.  I made very sure to avoid scallops for the rest of the week.  I took my chances with Mad Cow Disease for the rest of the week and ate steaks and burgers instead. 

Now, it's back to the daily grind.  And by daily grind, I mean HOLY CRAP, I TOTALLY NEED TO BABY PROOF!  In just two weeks, Lil C has changed so much.  I wonder how I will ever check my email or blog again while she's awake.  I think that it's just not going to happen.  She is now crawling 90 mph across the room.  Of course, she goes for the most dangerous things of all: the marble slab in front of the fire place, the entertainment center with the glass door, any little toys Big I has left out.  Not only is she crawling ridiculously fast, but she is also standing and pulling herself up like you would not believe.  She can do it from a sitting position; she can also do it from the lying on her belly position (She has ridiculously long arms, just like her mama.)  Big I had some fear when it came to standing up and trying to cruise around furniture; not Lil C.  She has no fear.  She just lets go whenever the mood moves her so I have now become her human shadow.  There will be no rest people, from here on out. 

Speaking of no rest, I test for 4th kyu (green belt with three brown stripes) in four weeks. . . four ridiculously short weeks. . .

Vacation pictures and kata progress to follow this week. . .

Five Things

I saw this over at Thinking About and thought I would give it a go. 

In my fridge:

• Sprout bread.  It sounds gross, I know.  But my husband brought it home and it grew on me.  It's especially good as toast, with a little butter and cinnamon.
• Lots of containers of half eaten baby food.
• A teether toy or two.
• Diet Rite-I can't live without it.
• Paul Newman Family Italian dressing-I can't be without it either.

In my car:

• My bo and my tunfa weapons.
• Two strollers: one for rough terrain, one for shopping (neither of which Lil C will tolerate for more than five minutes).
• Two Shakira CD's.
• A pen for writing down Litter Butts info.
• About four gazillion toys that have been thrown in a fit of giggles by Lil C.

In my purse:

• Entirely too many pictures of my kids.  I still have pictures of Big I when she was a baby (and when I say pictures, I mean every single one she's ever had taken since she was born).
• As if the pictures in the wallet weren't enough, I also have two mini photo albums of my kids.
• A wallet with entirely too much junk in it, yet little or no money.  My husband calls it a "Costanza" wallet.  Ever see that Seinfeld episode?
• Tissues, because I finally got with it and decided to be a good Mom.
• Tweezers, because somehow the light outside in the car is always so much better than inside.

In my closet:

• A collection of bridesmaid dresses that I'm keeping around so my girls can play dress up.
• A ton of clothes that I don't wear but have some sort of sentimental connection to for some odd reason, so in the closet they will stay.
• Some maternity clothes that I forgot to pack up with the rest of it.
• A ton of pointy-toed-backless heels in a wide variety of cool colors.
• Depending on the moment, possibly my daughter pretending to be a scary monster.

In my head:

• Why is it that we've called an end to Mommy Wars, no problem (thank goodness); but political name-calling is perfectly acceptable?
• Why can some completely incompetent people pop out kid after kid, but one of my best friends (who is a fabulous Mother) can't seem to after 17 months of heart-breaking trying? 
• How will I possibly keep my sanity while packing for vacation for not one, but two kids this year (one who requires an awful lot of extra equipment)?
• How annoying is it that EVERYWHERE you go there seem to be cliques: kindergarten orientation, neighborhoods, playgroups, even in the blogging world strangely enough?
• Pain, because I've had a headache on and off all week long which is making me feel especially grumpy and miserable, which probably explains all this other stuff in my head. 

I won't tag anyone for this one.  If you want to, go for it. I've got too much of a headache to be an enforcer this week.  Also, I don't know who I'd tag since I already pulled my tag-a-famous-blogger stunt with smashing results.  So, if you want to, go for it and let me know you did.

Six Weird Things

I was just enjoying some late night me time, surfing through my regular reads in the blog world, when I was tagged by The Pajama Mama.  I'm feeling sort of honored and all, since I don't really have any personal friends in the blogging world.  Then again, the pj lady tagged everyone who visited so I guess I'm just a victim of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. ;-) 

So, after wracking my brain for 100 things the other night, now I need six weird things, as if there wasn't enough weirdness in my list to begin with.

1. I have action plans for everything.
2. I have ridiculously long arms. Seriously, it is a rare find when I bring home a long sleeved shirt that truly has long enough sleeves.  (My karate instructor tells me this is an asset for sparring; all I know is that it's made dressing myself a lot more difficult.)
3. I love the beach, but only go in the ocean up to my knees. (Sharks, duh!)
4. I never tried any type of seafood until I was in college (unless you count fish filets drowned in ketchup.)
5. I like my eggs scrambled with salsa and cheese.
6. I have never had a cavity.

I am now required to choose six people to tag, and according to The Pajama Mama, "after YOU get tagged, you have to go back to the blog of the person who tagged you and let them know you have fullfilled your tagging obligation and put up your list of six things. That means you have to come back HERE and let me know you put up a post with your six items." 

I don't know if any of you will do this or not, but I'm one of those people who gets the silly forwarded emails and decides I have to send it along to exactly seven people or else bad things will happen, so it only makes sense that I would feel a strong obligation to complete this task as well.  So, I am tagging:

1. Mrs. W or Butterbean's Biscuits
2. J of Thinking About. . .
3. City Slicker Mom
4. Amalah, who I'm guessing will probably pass on doing this, but I would LOVE to see her weird things.
5. the weirdgirl
6. Jody of and baby makes 6!

If I didn't tag you, but the mood moves you, feel free to let me know your six weird things too!   That means you, lurkers and non-blogging friends!

100 Things

I've seen these on a lot of blogs I read.  I thought it would be fun to try.  It took me FOREVER.  Enjoy!

1. I am not a morning person, at all.
2. I have auditioned for two reality tv shows.
3. One rejected my husband and I because we "looked too good." (A Makeover Story)
4. I have dated two valedictorians in my life.
5. I married the second one.
6. I was the first one of my friends to get married.
7. I was the first one of my friends to have a baby.
8. My favorite alcoholic drink is the margarita.
9. Bass is my favorite beer.
10. I drink entirely too much iced tea.
11. I've been to Disney World six times.
12. I honeymooned in St. Lucia.
13. I HATE the Sandals resort and will NEVER go back ever ever ever.
14. The only bone I ever broke was my finger.
15. I broke it when I got hit by a car while riding my bike.
16. I have always wanted to learn karate.
17. Until age 29 I was too afraid to try.
18. I have beat up three people in my life.
19. Two of them were guys.
20. All of them deserved it
21. All of them were pre-karate.
22. I was in a major car accident while in college.
23. I'm still terrified of tractor trailer's because of it.
24. I love the Outer Banks, NC.
25. I have been there at least 15 times.
26. My favorite color is blue.
27. Almost every shirt I own is blue (sad, but true).
28. You know all those political signs on the sides of roads?  I put them there last election.
29. I voted for Bush, and am proud of it.  (Please address all hate mail related to this comment to yourself.  You'll feel better getting it out of your system; and I'll feel better because I won't have to waste time hitting delete.)
30. I love playing fantasy football.
31. I HATE losing.
32. I am EXTREMELY competitive.
33. I met my husband when I was 19.
34. I got married when I was 23.
35. I had my first baby when I was 26.
36. I cry when I pack up baby clothes that is too small.
37. I had two babies and never got an epidural.
38. I had looonnnnggg labors.
39. I only said two mean things to my husband during the course of those labors, one for each baby.
40. I did swear quite a bit.
41. My first concert was Vanilla Ice.
42. I once looked like Vanilla Ice when my aunt waxed my eyesbrows and seriously screwed up. 
43. As an adult, I went to see Justin Timberlake.
44. My husband and I were the only ones old enough to drink beer (unless you count the dad chaperones).
45. I love Prince.
46. I've been at concerts from his last two tours and they were awesome.
47. And I did wear purple and black.
48. People tell me I look like Meryl Streep.
49. myheritage.com tells me I look like Jennifer Aniston, Emma Thompson, and Sarah Jessica Parker
50. I hate Star Wars.
51. My husband hates that I hate Star Wars.
52. I suffered through the last movie in the theatre while extremely pregnant.
53. I studied French for five years.
54. I only know the swear words.
55. I studied Spanish for one semester in college.
56. I only know what Shakira has taught me.
57. I have been published a hand full of times.
58. I love Mexican food.
59. I don't like to cook.
60. But I make a great chicken marsala.
61. Until adulthood, I was always better friends with guys.
62. Now, I have a hand full of great girl friends whom I couldn't live without.
63. I am very opinionated.
64. I am easily annoyed.
65. I am NOT a touchy-feely person.
66. Guys in high school were afraid of me.
67. With good reason (see # 21)
68. I considered myself a feminist until I took a women's studies class.
69. Now I think that a lot of feminists screwed things up for women. (Regarding hate mail, see #28)
70. I gave birth with the help of a midwife.
71. I went home the same day I gave birth.
72. I'm obsessed with 24, Lost, and Grey's Anatomy.
73. I played field hockey in high school.
74. I play tennis now.
75. I don't feel like I'm in my 30's.
76. Most people don't think I'm in my 30's. (At least that's what they say.)
77. I am extremely overprotective when it concerns my daughters and my little sister.
78. I like rap music.
79. I LOVE to dance.
80. I don't like to work out.
81. I do love playing sports.
82. I am addicted to dark chocolate.
83. I am not a fan of anything Clinton.
84. I am a brutally honest person.
85. Probably too honest sometimes.
86. I have a hard time saying "No" when asked to help/volunteer, etc.
87. I check on my baby's breathing at least four times each night.
88. I hit my husband and tell him to roll over because of his snoring at least four times each night.
89. I can't stand people who litter.
90. I have parking lot road rage.
91. I have about 4000 pictures of my kids displayed in my house.
92. I still don't think that's enough.
93. I'm tall for a girl.
94. But I can't play basketball to save my life.
95. I will occasionally sing karaoke, usually after a margarita or four, but only when I'm out of state.
96. If I do, I usually sing Macy Gray, Pebbles or B-52's.
97. But, I am most amused when my husband sings ACDC.  He is seriously good!
98. I never intended to be a stay at home Mom.
99. I changed my mind when I felt my first daughter kick.
100. I feel that staying home is the best decision I have ever made.