Black Belt Mama

Rockstar Recap: Final Elimination

I can't even begin to get my head around tonight's finale.  I predicted it last night, but I was so hoping I would be wrong. 

The show started off with Brooke announcing the bottom two: Magni and Toby.  I was hoping they'd be the top two so I was a little disappointed.  You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that Magni was going to be the first to go.  You didn't need them Magni.  You're too good for them. 

Toby knew his time was limited and after the three remaining contestants performed, it was pretty clear that Toby's time was coming to a close.  Watching the faces of Supernova made it obvious.  When Lukas performed they were all like "yeah, crush it" and when Dilana and Toby performed they were just like (to steal a word from Toby) EVS or whatevah. 

Just like my worst nightmare, they sent Toby packing after they pretty much told him he was the best person.  Yeah, that made a whole lot of sense. 

With the two goth fairies left, it was obvious they were going to choose Lukas.  Although I was silently pulling for Dilana, I knew it wasn't meant to be.  Lukas was chosen as the one.  And without further delay, and because it's been a letter writing kind of week, I give you my letter to Supernova.

Dear Gilby, Jason, and Tommy (aka Supernova or soon to be "Superfailure"):

What were you thinking?  Apparently, your years of rocking hard and boozing it along the way have damaged your brain cells, particularly the ones related to auditory issues.  Do you not see the way Lukas seizes across the stage?  Are you not aware of the growling that is emitted from his mouth?  Do you not know that Toby sang that Supernova song 100 times better than Lukas will ever sing that song?  Are you not aware that sparkly blue eye shadow died along with Madonna's lacy hair bows? 

Do you honestly believe that Lukas is best for your band?  A large majority of rocker fans are female.  FEMALE, as in WOMEN, you know the opposite sex that you like hanging around.  The majority of girl rock fans like guys like Toby: built, hot, sexy.  Girls do not tend to go for guys like Lukas: troubled, traumatized, wears more make-up than the average drag queen, short on stature and on talent. 

Do you not see the GLARING difference between the two?  Can you not hear it?  Are your ears that damaged from all the hard rock?  Are you having some vision issues, because I mean, come ON!  But then again, maybe you guys aren't into girls anymore?  Not that there's anything wrong with that. . .

   

But may I be the first to say, "Ewww," because I can not think of a grosser couple than that.  Except maybe Britney and Kevin.

Appearance and sexual orientation aside, did you not read the lyrics of the songs they wrote?  You see Storm's lyrics, they rocked.  Toby's lyrics made sense and had a catchiness about it.  Lukas' lyrics?  There's a difference between being "catchy" and being ridiculously repetitive.  Lukas is the latter, just in case you weren't sure.

The only thing I'm happy about is that now Toby is free to go make his own music without you guys and your bouffant hairdo's (Gilby) and your tattoo on the neck that looks like a hickey (Tommy) and your happy little catch phrase "Crush It" (Jason).  And in case you're wondering. . .

YES, I'm just a TAD BIT BITTER about the whole thing, and the fact that I wasted a summer watching this show for such a disappointing and predictable outcome.  And just in case you weren't sure, I will NOT be attending any of your shows or buying any of your music.  I guarantee you that the House Band that's opening for you will be a bigger draw.  This is one show that's going to make people think, "Huh, if I leave now I can still catch Letterman."

Sincerely,

One seriously annoyed and confused BLACK BELT MAMA 

P.S.  EVS (and in case you forget what that means. . . WHATEVAH and please do picture that being said to you with the attitude of a jaded teenager.)

Rockstar Recap: Week 11

Thankfully my parents are on the opposite side of town tonight and are not privy to my Tivo remote.  I've been able to kick back (as much as a mama of a toddler who's still awake can) and enjoy the finale week of Rockstar. 

Ryan came back for an encore of his back seat song.  He seems less (to steal a word from Lydia) "angsty" now.  He said he's recording and releasing his song and he seems like a happier person to be out on his own.  I think that was the goal of a lot of these contestants, so that they can follow in Marty Casey's footsteps.  He and The Lovehammers have played numerous venues and have grown exponentially in popularity.  Your own band and a big increase in popularity sounds like a dream come true for these contestants and I think that's why a lot of them were there in the first place, Storm Large for one.

Back to the show. . .Toby performed first and sang the hell out of "Karma Police" by Radio Head.  There's really nothing to say about it other than that it was very good.  He then had Magni come out and play guitar for him for his original tune "Throwing it Away."  It's a very catchy song and it felt like he should just have his own concert right now.  I wanted to hear what the guys had to say about him, but I got a little distracted by Gilby Clark's bouffant hair do.  Is he playing a role in the upcoming "Dreamgirls" movie by chance?  Or is there a Rockstar Supreme's show coming up that he's planning on auditioning for just in case Supernova becomes a Super flop?

Speaking of flops, Lukas performed Cold Play's "Fix you".  He was wearing enough sparkly blue eye shadow to supply all the teenagers of the 80's and then some.  I truly believe he was trying to be the punk Mick Jagger with that performance.  When he performed a stripped down version of "Headspin" I changed my opinion from last week.  It shouldn't necessarily be called "Mumbling in a Microphone".  Perhaps the stripped down version should be called "Growling in a Microphone" because that is exactly what he did with this version.  I've got some new lyrics for him though.  How about this: "You make my ears ache. Your eyelids are caked.  Why? Why? (growl). The ending of his set was completely anti-climactic which means he is so going to win. 

Dilana. . . What the heck was that tonight?  She performed "Roxanne" and actually sang it and her voice was good.  She apparently laid off the Lukas lessons because the Marlboro Man was at home tonight (until the original song).  Her performance of "Roxanne" was nothing short of amazing, but she wrapped her set up with "Super Soul" and I was super bored.  As Gilby says, her lyrics are too literal and the song is just dull.  Although "Roxanne" blew me away, she won't win.  Remember Gilby Clark's comment about her song writing skills from a few weeks ago.  It shows in her original and they will pass.

Magni wrapped up the night with Deep Purple's "Hush."  It was exciting!  His confidence has only grown over the past few weeks and he made himself a serious contender.  His original "When the Time Comes" is good, but as Supernova said, it's not exactly memorable.  What was memorable was Magni's guitar performance in Toby's original song.  If Supernova goes with one of the crazies, Toby and Magni should start a band together.  That would truly rock. 

I'm sticking with my guns and I'm going to say Toby wins as I did back at the start (Check the archives if you don't believe me.  I'm too tired to link to it.)  Keep in mind however, that my fantasy football team lost this week when Larry Johnson of all people choked. . . so it's been a bad week.  I'm prepared for it to get worse.  Lukas would seal the deal.

Rockstar Elimination: Week 10 OR Horror of all HORRORS!

People, you gotta help me out!  OH MY GOD!  We had "Meet the Teacher" night at Big I's school.  My parents were watching Lil C and instead of letting the nice Tivo do what it's supposed to do. . . they CHANGED THE CHANNEL TO TENNIS which means they had to say "yes" to that little prompt about changing the channel and canceling the recording.  Of all the rotten things you can do to a person. . .

My husband is frantically searching the net to find out the results for me because he realizes that I'm a woman on the EDGE.  I can NOT believe I won't see this episode.

And NOW, he's telling me that Toby got the encore; that the bottom three were Dilana, Lukas and Storm. . . and STORM WENT HOME, even when Lukas re-performed his song from last night????  I think the full moon is influencing the world tonight; and I am NOT a happy camper. 

Please, for the love of God, someone, burn it onto a DVD and mail it to me.  I beg you!

Rockstar Recap: Week 10

Tonight, the rockers each performed two songs including one original tune.  It was certainly an interesting night.  The originals really divided up the contestants into two distinct groups. 

Dilana kicked the night off with a classic song by The Who, "Behind Blue Eyes" and then an original called "Super Soul".  Every song choice seems to be stemming from her "troubled" times and it's getting a little old.  If she wants everyone to forget about it and get over it, then why does she keep bringing it up?  I thought her performance was more like an evening with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  Her soft side was revealed again in the first song, but it seemed fake.  Her original lacked all creativity, and from the brief vignettes that the show revealed, Gilby Clark is less than impressed with her creativity as well.  The house band was also less than thrilled with her complete lack of knowledge of "Behind Blue Eyes."  I'm so over her and I think Supernova is too.

Magni was up next and offered a stark contrast to Dilana's performance.  He belted U.S.S.R. and followed up with an original that showed a new side of him completely.  He offered an intense performance that was stellar in contrast to Dilana's.  What I also like about Magni is that he doesn't kiss butt.  When Tommy Lee told him his performances sounded "the same," Magni offered a sarcastic, "Well, both of those songs were performed by me" and left Tommy Lee without a comeback.  If chosen, he would definitely be a leader, and wouldn't feel as if he owed the band anything.  That would be refreshing.

Storm came out and got a little surprise.  Dave Navarro jumped on stage to perform "Suffragette City" with her and she proved that she can perform with the best.  Navarro offered her an incredible compliment, by telling her afterward that performing with her was like performing with the other stars he's performed alongside.  She rocked a classic, and followed it with an original "What the What is Ladylike" that is still in my head.  It was one of the top two originals of the night.  She managed to entertain throughout the entire performance without making the "something smells bad" face. That alone is worthy of praise.

Lukas performed a stripped down version of Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer", but to me it sounded more like "Mumbling in a Microphone".  He seems to be moving away from the Robert Smith lookalike thing and more towards going for resembling a tarantula or something equally leggy and hideous.  His hair style tonight was practically giving me an anxiety attack.  I was afraid he was going to poke his own eye out or something worse.  I despised his original.  I just can't take the screeching and odd facial expressions anymore.  Why do people like him?  I don't get it.  He was the only one of the five whose lyrics I could not understand at all. 

Toby brought down the house with his original that offered a memorable sing-a-long lyric that the crowd grabbed onto immediately.  He worked the room and jumped from stage to stage, even getting goosed by Tommy Lee at one point.  His song was right up Supernova's alley and it was one of the better ones tonight.  It's a good thing too. I love The Killer's song "Mr. Brightside", but I can't help but think that although Toby did a good job with it, Marty Casey of last year, did it better. 

At the end of the show, early voting revealed that the rockers were lining up like this:

1. Toby
2. Lukas (Why?  Why?  Why?)
3. Magni
4. Storm
5. Dilana

Encore will definitely go to either Toby or Storm (I simply can't choose just one.)

Bottom three will be: Dilana, Magni, and Lukas (PLEASE let Lukas be in the bottom three!)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and predict that Dilana goes home.  If Ryan can go home, anyone is game.

What do you think???

Rockstar Elimination: Week 9

Lukas got to perform tonight with Supernova.  I like him a whole lot better when he has sunglasses on.  Then I don't have to watch those freaky eyes of his.  Have you noticed that when Lukas sings, the girls in the audience sort of laugh?  When Toby sings, they don't laugh.  They turn on their best bedroom eyes and roll with the music.  Lukas is never going to be that hot rock star that drives the girls crazy.  Not. Gonna. Happen.  I really can't stand him.  When they said his name tonight as the contestant who gets to sing with Supernova, I may have gagged a bit.   And seriously Lukas, keep that tongue parked in the garage.  Gross.

The encore returned this week and Toby got it.  I told you he's back.  He's baaaccckkk.  I really think he's going to be the guy.  I called it the first time I saw the show, and I'm calling it again.  Toby is going to win.  He worked the audience and involves the audience, never loses his vocals when he's entertaining, and he's got the ladies drooling.  Unlike the other guys he doesn't look like he's going to pop a blood vessel.  He's relaxed and just naturally good.  The only thing bugging me is the obvious make-up lessons he's been taking from Lukas.  You don't need the eyeliner Toby.  You really don't. 

All the rockers were in the bottom three at some point during the night and Magni was the only one still sitting.  I'm telling you, his sense of humor paid off.  That, and his "I Alone" performance was very good. 

Ryan landed himself in the bottom three and performed a song by "The Who" and became a little trite with his jungle gym climbing antics.  It wasn't smooth when he climbed onto the speakers; it just looked stupid.  He seemed sloppy tonight, and I'm thinking that "Teenage Wasteland" should have more appropriately been called "Ryan Wasted" because he certainly seemed like he was. 

Storm performed "Helter Skelter" and seemed truly happy for the opportunity to finally perform a song of her own choosing, a song that she could really rock.  I wasn't a big fan of the performance but she did better than Ryan.  What's up with all the contestants leaping into the audience and carving a path through them all the time?  Stay on the stage; real rockstars don't walk through the crowds. 

Dilana sang "Psycho Killer" and dedicated it to herself.  Did you see the devil horns she wore tonight before her performance?  Yep, see. . . I was right about Toby coming back and kicking butt, and I was right about Satan's spawn.  I thought Dilana was pretty boring.  All three of them were pretty darn pathetic if you ask me.  Uninspiring, dull, yawn. . .

And then a total shocker:  Ryan goes home.  WHAT?  I really did not expect that at all.  It certainly keeps things interesting: three guys, two gals. . . the last two weeks will certainly keep you guessing. 

My guess?  Toby is a lock. . .

which means you can probably count on him having a plane ticket home next week.

Rockstar Recap: Week 9

This week the contestants performed songs that the fans chose.  The performances were overwhelmingly good tonight.  Before the performances kicked off we saw Dilana behaving like a typical rockstar, what with the throwing of a glass bottle and everything.  A piece nicked Magni in the head and drama ensued.  Magni was fine, but Dilana bawled her eyes out and went to a deep dark place.  Her crying sounded a lot like her singing if I'm being honest.  It was pretty disturbing. 

Onto the performances:

Lukas started off the night with "Lithium". I just can't stand him.  Dilana's performance of "Lithium" weeks ago far surpassed this performance.  He also altered the song's lyrics and added a few too many "yeah's" for my taste.  I'm convinced that if you take off all that make-up and cut his hair and remove the goop. . . you'd have a 12-year old wanna-be.  I'm not impressed and am HOPING Lukas will be in the bottom three and go home already.

Magni performed "I Alone" and it was awesome.  Even without the performance, I hope that people go and vote for him.  His sense of humor alone deserves it.  He stated that he's "better looking than Toby," "Lukas, COME ON!" and that "just because Ryan is American doesn't mean he has to get all the US votes".  He did after all, "learn to speak English" and quite well.  He left the hat and the nose-butting at home and I was impressed.  I fear that if he's in the bottom three, he'll go home due to the sheer number of times he's been there.  I'm hoping I'm wrong.

Ryan entertained with "Clocks".  He started by playing the piano, then jumped on top of the piano, then jumped off the piano with a wired microphone that had me a little worried, and finally slid back across the piano to finish playing the song.  He was exciting to watch and took the whole singing on a piano thing to a completely new level.  I think his performance was the best.

Storm reluctantly sang "Bring me to Life" by Evanescence and she did a nice job with it.  Her mistake was asking Toby to back her up.  He stole some of her fire.  That could be because I for one, much prefer watching him perform over her.  Sometimes her facial expressions give you the impression that she just smelled something really off.  After her performance, Gilby made some comment about how Jill's performance of that song was memorable and I was like, "Huh, who's Jill?  Oh YEAH, the be-bopping blonde girl. . ."  Yeah, I don't agree with Gilby at all, and I'm back to the whole "Storm's party style doesn't mesh with Supernova's" and because of that she will not win.

Toby channels Billy Idol really well.  He sang "Rebel Yell" and made me a believer once again.  He faded a bit in weeks past, but he's coming back.  I am really thinking it's going to be down to Ryan and Toby.  The most disturbing part of his performance was Lukas's tongue.  They showed the other contestants during Toby's performance, and Lukas was apparently having a tongue seizure or something.  It wasn't pretty.  Towards the end of the performance, Toby pulled a bunch of girls up on stage with him which had to give the aging Supernova guys some ideas.  Toby may be their only hope for getting girls to their shows who are under the age of 50.  He's a front runner for sure.

Dilana got out her frustrations with "Mother, Mother".  I really hope she got it out of her system.  She's not pleasant to watch when she's "troubled."  Her hair made me think that she probably hasn't bathed in a while; and I was half expecting a bird to fly out with all that hair whipping she was doing.  I think she lost a lot of credibility with all the drama from the past week or two and I think her star is starting to fade. 

Bottom three:  Lukas, Storm, and Dilana

Encore (if they have one): Ryan, yet again.

Until tomorrow. . .

My latest post is up at Save the Soldiers.  It's all about how the Fantasy Football draft went on Saturday.  If you know anything about football, go and check out my picks and see what you think.

If you haven't already checked out the Carnival of Family Life, please do so.  There are some great posts there (including mine. . . but you probably already read it right?).

And if you're up for it and haven't already signed up, take the Black Belt Mama Challenge.  Participants receive a coupon code for Everything Fitness and get to sign on for a support group of other bloggers looking to improve their physical fitness. 

There's also a new birth story up.  Two to be exact so check them out. 

And now I'm done. . . the countdown to Kindergarten continues and I very well may be sobbing for the foreseeable future. 

Rockstar Elimination: Week 8

I don't know if Dilana has bird flu from those feathers being fused to her lashes or what, but she was pretty rude to Ryan.  She basically told him that his performance would have been nothing without the house band.  The house band is great, no argument there.  But without Ryan's song, they wouldn't have had anything to play now would they?  I thought Dilana was a bit out of line. 

She was also out of line during the interviews. Dilana trash talked EVERYONE and it made her look scared and unsure of herself. Someone give her a vaccine or something.  That bird flu is nasty.

Forget seeing Storm fight Ryan for music.  I have a feeling Dilana and Ryan are going to be going to (at least) verbal blows again very soon. 

And onto the performances. . .

Supernova performed a really good song tonight.  With Toby fronting the band, it was nothing short of incredible.  The best part of the entire performance though, is something that wasn't even there. . . no Big Daddy Kane dancers.  Supernova, you got the message, LOUD AND CLEAR.  I thank you, we all thank you. 

I got it all wrong when it came to the bottom three, and there wasn't even an encore tonight.  What was up with that?  Magni performed "Fire" and showed up without the mushroom hat.  He is totally reading my blog right?  Let's test the theory.  Magni, you would love totally awesome wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt next week.  Think it will happen?  He did a great job with the song and jammed on his guitar throughout the performance.  There was no way he was going home, at least not tonight.  The only thing I'm not liking about him is how he sort of nose-butts the microphone.  He really needs to work on distancing I think.

Patrice sang "Middle of the Road", but her fate was sealed before she even started singing.  Four times in the bottom three is the equivalent of an instant plane ticket home.  Patrice was the only one I got right for the bottom three; and she was sent packing.  She seems like a really nice person and all, but she just wasn't right for this band and there was no point keeping her around any longer.  She sang "Middle of the Road", but she's only ever been as good as the middle of the pack for this group.

Toby being in the bottom three completely surprised me.  He's back people.  The real Toby, the good one, the one who knows how to perform so start voting for him.  He sang "Plush" by Stone Temple Pilots and easily kept himself in the running.  I have a feeling Toby's back to stay, and as Outkast says, "I like the way you move."  Keep it up Toby.

I have a feeling that at least one contestant will have a shiner next week.  To be a fly on the wall in that house this week. . .

Dilana better lock her bedroom door.  Get some rest girl and stay away from the birds. 

Rockstar Recap: Week 8 and "Wrong Sauce"

The season finale is September 13th and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit happy about it.  As soon as the show begins its air time, googlers and yahooers from far and wide start coming under the search terms, "Rockstar Recap."  It stresses me out.  Sure, I love the extra visitors (who will probably just all go away in a few short weeks when this is all over), but I just want to make it clear that I have two kids and sometimes don't get to watch the TIVO version of my show until VERY late at night.  That, and the fact that I write a RECAP, not a psychic prediction so as the show begins for you. . . it's beginning for me too.

Moving right along.

Patrice started off the show with an original performance.  It was the most spirited I've seen her in a long time.  The song was really pretty good.  But she will definitely be going home this week.  No doubt about it. 

Magni performed "Smells like Teen Spirit" and brought down the house.  I liked everything about this performance, with the exception of his hat.  It made him look more like a rotten mushroom head.  Lose the hat Magni-the stage lights look cool reflecting off your bald head.  Really.

Ryan was awesome.  He performed an original song that I could totally hear Supernova playing.  I could hear it on the radio immediately.  However, his description left a lot to be desired.  When the Supernova guys told him they liked his song, he said something like, "Yeah, it's about the end of the world.  Some people will be in church; some people will be screwing."  Great description Ryan.  That was eloquent, romantic even.  Someone should just tell him to keep his mouth shut because he also attributed his good performance to the fact that "I got laid dude."  Good for you Ryan.

Storm wanted to literally fight Ryan for the original performance but ended up backing down when the other contestants encouraged her to let Ryan have it.  Instead she wound up with "Cryin'" by Aerosmith.  She did a really nice job, but I would have liked it so much more to see her go a few rounds with Ryan who looked completely bewildered at the possibility of sparring with Storm.  Who wouldn't?  She looks tough and she's 7' 2" or something insane like that.  My only criticism of her performance is that like Magni in weeks gone by, I was starting to fear that she was going to pop a major blood vessel in her forehead. 

Dilana has been growing on me in recent weeks.  Tonight changed that.  First, she ran around the pool naked in order to sing, "Every breath you take".  That's all fine and good, and it shows you have guts (It also shows other "things" but we won't go there). But I was not impressed with the way she sang the song one bit.  I was also distracted by what appeared to be bird wings that were affixed to her eyelids. Very odd.  Because they were bright pink, from a distance, it made her appear as if she had eyelid surgery gone wrong.  Tommy Lee, where was your "wrong sauce" comment tonight?  And one last thing, Dilana singing "Every breath you take" was like watching The Killers sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star."  It didn't work for me.  Then again, she sang it for her Mom.  The same Mom she hasn't spoken to in years, so she got you on the whole sympathy vote thing.

Toby renewed my interest again.  I've been waiting for him to do this.  He changed up "Layla" and I loved the harder arrangement.  I know what you're thinking, but don't even go there. I was liking his performance even before he disrobed from the waist up.  He also had "EVS" written on his chest which he says is Australian for "Whatevah".  That happens to be one of my most favorite words.  Way to go Toby.

Lukas performed the one Killers song that I don't particularly care for.  I didn't like his performance at all. I liked the fact that he was wearing sunglasses because I wasn't subjected to his insane- asylum-darting eyes.  But then he flung the glasses off his head in a ballet sashay meets freaky move that was marinated in "wrong sauce."  It also occurred to me that Lukas really needs to take up some endurance training.  Maybe he intends to sound breathless, but he sounds more like he's going to keel over instead.  I've also decided that it's that smile with his eyes closed, head tilted to the side, where he sort of emits screechy sounds that really bothers me.  I want Lukas to go home in the worst way.  I really do.

Bottom three: Patrice, Lukas and Dilana (I'm going totally on who I think deserves to be there.  I don't think Dilana will actually end up there, but I believe she should.)

Sayonara: Patrice

Encore goes to Ryan, yet again.  He's becoming a bit of a front-runner, no?

Rockstar Elimination: Week 7

My predicting skills are getting better, don't you think?  Ryan gets the encore; I nail two out of three for the bottom three. . . I didn't see Zayra going home before Patrice though. 

There were some unusual tidbits about the show tonight. 

1. Supernova did their first live performance tonight.  They chose Dilana to front them for the song and she did a great job.  The song had the ability to be a little catchy. . . right up until the dancers came on stage that had to be loaners from Sir-Mix-A-Lot.  What was up with THAT? Has any rock band ever had dancers like that?  EVER?  Maybe I'm naive, but I always thought they saved the girls for AFTER the show, not during.  I thought that was Super Tacky, Supernova.  It may be eye candy for you, but it confuses the heck out of your audience.
2. Have you ever noticed how singers who have accents lose their accents when they sing?  Have you noticed that Zayra doesn't lose hers when she sings?  It's sort of odd.  The really odd thing is that although she is from Puerto Rico, she sounds like she has more of a Russian accent.  Very odd, but I'm sure we'll be seeing her. . . eventually. 
3. Magni performed "Creep" tonight and I thought it was a little odd that he seemed so sad.  He sort of teared up at the end of the performance or it at least looked like he did.  Then, he looked over to the other contestants and Dilana and Storm were just bawling.  Last night, Magni said he didn't remember much of what happened when he was in Vegas.  Do Storm and Dilana know something?  Why did he sing "Creep" with such feeling, such emotion and tear up at the end?  Was it simply that moving of a performance, or did something happen in Vegas that he's hoping will stay in Vegas?  Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the rockstar mansion.  I wonder how his wife feels about how he had Patrice camped out on his lap with his arms around her at the end of the show.  If he was my husband, I'd be slightly disgruntled as in "you can find all your clothing and worldly possessions in our front yard MISTER".

And that wraps up this weeks Rockstar Supernova.  See all you crazy googlers next week!  Thanks for stopping by!

I know I don't usually talk about any other TV shows but I am also a bit obsessed with Project Runway.  I've got an "OH NO THEY DIDN'T" for them this week.  People, I know Alison's design was bad, but it was her second design.  She gave it her all and she DOES have talent.  I am simply in awe that Vincent was declared "in" instead of her.  Of course, producers do have a say in the judge's decisions and Vincent is certainly more controversial than sweet, normal Alison.  NOT FAIR!

Rockstar Recap: Week 7

After watching the stripped down performances this week and then hearing the comments from Supernova, I have a theory.

Supernova did not think it was fun to party with Storm. 

There is absolutely no other explanation for how hard they dissed her performance.  She changed up "I'll Survive" and made it her own.  It was at least interesting, compared to some of the other performances tonight: Patrice who did no justice to "Message in a Bottle" and Toby who took a Peter Gabriel song and made it into mush as far as I'm concerned. 

Supernova raved about Toby and Dave told him he had the performance of the night, until Ryan sang of course.  So, to test my theory, I went online and watched part of a reality episode on the Rockstar Supernova website.  My theory, from the brief footage I saw, appears to be dead on. 

The highlights:  Toby and Ryan did plenty of shots and had plenty of gal pals hanging around.  Dilana bowled and Supernova was 100% smitten with her bowling ability.  She was in the clear and they began calling her "Strike."  Where was Storm during all of this? 

She was staring into the camera all googly-eyed, going on and on about how she just loves the hot tub because it has such a great view.  She was standing in the hot tub, appearing to stroll around in the waters wearing what appeared to be leather underwear and a bustier to match.  Did I mention the pigtails?  Yeah, she had pigtails.  Did I mention she appeared to be completely by herself admiring the view? 

It's sort of like the post I wrote a little while ago about blind dates.  You think you're in love with a voice, an email, an instant message and then you meet the person and you get an entirely different idea about who they are and what your future holds.  Supernova has seen the contestants on stage, but partying with them. . . well, that was revealing.  And what it revealed is that Storm's party style doesn't mesh. 

Enough theories. . . onto the recap:

Zayra started the night with an original performance.  She toned down her SuperHero-esque look this week and traded it in for a flowing red skirt and black bikini top.  Her song was beautiful.  It was certainly not Supernova material, but it was beautiful none-the-less.  It reminded me of a ballad that Shakira would sing.  It won't get her the job, but it might keep her in yet another week. 

Magni showed up looking like he was auditioning for Miami Vice II, but his performance was very good.  He performed "Starman". The guys are definitely digging his performances and he is fast becoming a worthy option.  (I did not however, get to see his party style and once again question whether a family man with a young child can really do this job.)

Patrice performed a lackluster Sting song and well. . . lacked luster.  She started off o.k., but her performance fell flat.  It's very likely she'll be the next to go.

Lukas sat down to perform this week which bothered Supernova.  What bothered me was that despite being grounded literally, he still had enough jerky movements to make you think he just might be seizing.  But what bothered me even more tonight was how in a 30 second window, his face went through about 400 expressions.  It was very unsettling in a does-he-have-schizophrenia type of way?  His version of "Hero" wasn't enough to impress me this week, and Jason Newsted pointed out that once again, he's closing his throat or what I like to call "screeching."

Storm got Gloria Gaynor and made the best of it.  I'll say it again-party styles don't mesh, which means she will not win.

Toby performed "Solsbury Hill" and I thought it was completely dull.  He had a redeeming moment at the end where he started drumming like a mad man on some bongo's (I think.  I'm no drumming expert.)  I'm waiting for him to wow me the way he did in the early weeks, and I'm just not seeing it. 

Ryan performed Phil Collin's "In the Air Tonight" and did it justice.  He made it much harder than the original, and he looked awesome tonight.  I much prefer his more natural spiked look to the hoodie mohawk thing he had going on last week.  He is a front-runner for sure, especially after all the attention he garnered from the ladies in Vegas.  He looked like a typical rockstar, complete with Carmen Electra look-alikes hanging all over him. If only their brains could be as big as their hair. . .

Dilana performed "Cat's in the Cradle" and was consistently good again.  I imagine a Supernova with Dilana up front as one where there will be lots of bowling and more of keeping the boys in line.  That's probably a good thing.

And now for the predictions (that are just about never right):

The encore goes to Ryan.
Bottom three are: Patrice, Zayra, and Toby. 

We'll see. . .

If you watched the show, what do YOU think?

Oh NO they DIDN'T!

I was right about the encore, at least half of it.  Magni AND Lukas were both awarded encores this week.  The bottom three though, absolutely blows my mind!  Ryan?  Josh?  What the heck is going on out there voters?  JOSH?  The same Josh I practically proclaimed my love for last night on this very blog? 

I am thrilled that I won't be subjected to anymore of Jill's performances, but I am going to miss that bluesy, head-bopping Josh.  I can't believe they let two go.  I mean if the two had been Jill and Zayra. . . great.  But Josh???  In all reality, he wasn't going to be the winner, but they could have at least kept him around for another week or so.  Supernova. . . you CRUSHED me tonight boys, and not in a good way Mr. Jason Newsted. 

So can anyone tell me how this is possible?  Is there a website out there similar to the "vote for the worst" of American Idol?  Are all the Star Trek and Star Wars fans coming out in droves, waving their light sabres and supporting their fellow space cadet?  I doubt I'll ever know.  It will certainly be interesting to see what she wears next week though.  A "Cat in the Hat" get-up perhaps?

The standings according to Black Belt Mama are as follows:

Top Three:

Dilana- She's the clear front runner right now.  She exudes confidence and showed that she can front that band. I look for her to only get better (even though I'm not a huge fan of her voice.)

Magni- His performance this week proved that he has what it takes to front Supernova.  Plus, he's from Iceland.  That's intriging all on its own.  He is, however, obviously a family man and how a rockstar life with Supernova will mesh with his family remains to be seen.

Storm- In a comment meant to provide a proverbial bitch slap to Jill, Storm proclaimed that she wouldn't "hump" Gilby, but would instead "break his back."  I'm not exactly able to visualize what the heck she's talking about, but even though it didn't make sense it was enough to send Jill to the hatchet man.  Putting that hip-grinding performance of Jill's from weeks gone by into the front and center made her an easy target; and Storm proved that she is not to be messed with. 

Middle of the Roaders, or if you watch Project Runway. . . the contestants whose scores qualify them for the next round.  They're "in" (for now):

Toby- He peaked too early I'm thinking.  He got the encore in the beginning of the season and showed everyone what he can do.  Now, we're all waiting for him to do that again.   Bring it Toby and maybe lay off the booze.  Seriously dude.  20 shots is a bit much, doncha think?

Lukas- He got one of the encores tonight, but I just can't see him fronting Supernova.  He's freaky and not in the Tommy Lee kind of way.  Not even in the Gilby-Clark-running-my-hands-through-my -hair-constantly kind of way (Seriously, is Gilby trying to get a Pantene commercial or what?).  He's freaky in a Robert Smith, The Cure kind of way, not a Supernova kind of way.  I just don't see this as a fit.

Most Likely to Go Home Next:

Patrice-  I don't see it anymore.  I really liked her in the beginning.  But lately, it's just the same old same old and it's. . . well, old.

Ryan- I think Supernova has it right with him.  He is changing it up a bit too much.  If you're interviewing for an office job, you don't show up wearing a black suit for the first interview and red hot pants for the second.  He needs to figure out who he is and show it.  I'd suggest leaving the batman eyes alone.

Zayra- Oh Zayra, how your choice in fashion offends the common sensibilities.  I'd like to see the Project Runway contestants design something for her.  That would probably never work though, because they all despise sewing fabrics like spandex.  If she wasn't so entertaining in a very bad sort of way, she would be gone.  People always like to see the train wrecks. 

It's now 1a.m.  My arms are KILLING me from karate tonight, but that story will have to wait until tomorrow. . .

Don't wait until tomorrow to go visit my renter, because it will be too late.  She'll be gone.  Go and leave her a nice comment before we bid her adieu.  She's a lonely mama with her son at camp and could use some virtual hugs. . . and I could use some ice for my sore sore arms. . .

Rockstar Recap: Week 6

Last year it was painfully obvious that INXS was never going to choose a woman to front their band.  Sure, Susie was a nice option, but she fell behind JT and Marty in the eyes of INXS.  When I started watching this season of Rockstar, I was pretty convinced that Supernova would follow suit and choose a guy to front their band.  Now, I'm not so sure. 

As Jason Newsted would say. . .

Dilana "crushed it".  She is obviously older than the other contestants.  She seems to almost take on a mothering type role around the younger rockers.  She did with Dana.  In the entertainment industry, where youth reigns supreme, she is certainly kicking that notion to the curb.  She performed with Gilby tonight and was amazing. "I have no doubt that a woman can front our band now," is what Gilby said to her post-performance.  She is proving herself worthy of the top three if not the top contestant.

Jill sings like a rocker, but her dance moves make me think more of Britney Spears.  She performed "Mother, Mother" and during the hard parts she skipped and bopped her way around the stage like a Black Eyed Pea.  I am sensing she and her suitcases will be on the move soon.

Ryan sang "Paint it Black" and showed up, well, painted black.  Apparently he and Zayra have been hanging out a bit; because the super hero vibe got to him.  He looked more like an evil Batman tonight than the usual Ryan (although his hair stayed perfectly in tact despite the transformation).  Fortunately, he's not taking his singing cues from Zayra as well.

Storm attempted Queen's "We are the Champions" and did it well.  She ended her performance by telling Tommy Lee "I'll spank the crap out of you," and promised to return to her theatrical performances and stage thrashing.  Should be interesting. . . she always is.

Zayra is apparently getting her wardrobe from deranged circus ring leaders.   

She looked as if she'd  been dipped in gold.  Add a top hat and some platform shoes that Kiss and Prince must have collaborated on and you've got an outfit just interesting enough to almost distract from the horrific singing.

Josh. . .

. . . is seriously growing on me.  As OutKast says, "I like the way you move," and I do.  I've always had it bad for any guy who can bust a groove (including the acne covered, rather large-featured guy who I wanted to go to prom with my senior year), and just the way he moves his head when he strums and sings sort of has me swooning a bit.  O.k. maybe more than a bit.  The thing I really like about him is that he doesn't just belt his lyrics.  He has soul and he infuses it into every song he sings and that makes it sexy. I also like the fact that he didn't get all freaked out when Tommy Lee surprised him by coming up to play drums with him only seconds before the song started.  He's proven he can hang with the best of them.  Me likey Josh.

Magni will get the encore.  They're always suckers for acoustic performances.  Tonight, Magni stopped being forgettable and became completely unforgettable.  His performance of Live's "When the Dolphin's Cry" was beautiful and amazing.  Encore for sure.

Patrice is consistently good.  But when all the other rockers are becoming great, consistently good isn't good enough.  I've commented about her hair before, and I have to say that she is looking more and more like a 12-year old with her hair choices.  It doesn't fit and distracts from her voice, which is probably a good thing considering her performances are getting kind of boring.  The martial artist in me wants to like her; I really do, but others are clearly outshining her.

Lukas had his best performance of the series tonight.  He sang "Creep" and when I say "sang" I mean he actually sang.  He didn't screech for a change and that was refreshing and impressive.  The only issue I have with Lukas is that his dance moves look like he's had an encounter with a blow dryer while bathing.  Can you imagine a collaboration between him and Jill?

Toby sang "Burning down the House" and brought down the house. . . right up until he grabbed a megaphone and tried that tired old trick.  I'm with Dave Navarro on this one.  He was plugging along just fine and then he had to pull that out.  He doesn't need it and it made his performance a little tacky. 

He won't have to worry though because the bottom three are going to be: Jill, Zayra, and Patrice.  Jill is going home.  Zayra is just too damn entertaining to see her leave now.  I mean seriously, you want to tune in just to watch the fashion disaster that she has become.

Encore goes to Magni.

And speaking of music and songs, the girls and I were having some fun dancing to some tunes today when Nelly's song "Grillz" came on.  Big I refused to dance to it despite the fact that Lil C and I were jamming.  When I asked her why she wasn't dancing she said, "That's a STUPID song Mommy!" 

Tonight she saw Dilana perform and she said, "I don't like when she sings that slow stuff like last time" (referring to when she sang Cyndi Lauper's "Time after Time").  "I want to see them ROCK!" she said as she slammed her hand on the floor.  I have a feeling she'll be listening to classic rock when she's older (and I'll be getting my rap fill during solitary drives in the car.)

For something else that rocks, go visit my renter.  She truly rocks.  There's a new birth story up too! 

Rockstar Elmination Week 5

So, I got it right on the encore.  I mean, really, who wouldn't have guessed Ryan would get the encore?  But the bottom three. . . I was way off.  How could Super-hero-wanna-be-Zayra and Cure-look-alike-Lukas NOT be in the bottom three?  I'll never know. When I got home from karate my husband was just bursting to tell me who the bottom three were.  I was 1/3.  Apparently, people like superhero's and are longing for the days of The Cure. 

I never would have guessed that little plastic Jill would come out singing the way she did.  Why is it that she can always sing to keep herself in, but her Tuesday night performances stink?  I think the band should seriously consider this phenomenon.  She sings well when she feels the pressure, but not when she doesn't.  So, what does that say about how she would be if she gets the gig?  She saved herself once again this week, but that doesn't mean she's going to make it anywhere near the top.  And, it was completely transparent choosing a song by Heart.  She's trying to heal the wounds she inflicted on Gilby with that nasty bump and grind from last week, but I don't see it happening.  Once you lose your credibility and their respect. . . you're done.  It's only a matter of time before she's sent packing.

I wasn't all that surprised to see Patrice in the bottom three.  Of course, I truly believe that Zayra and Lukas should have been there before her, but it must be the year of the freaky people.  People want to keep those two around because at the very least, they're water-cooler fodder.  I think that Patrice ended up in the bottom three because the whole spiked hair thing she had going on just wasn't her. She also performed first.  When there are a lot of contestants, the one who performs first rarely does well.  (One only needs to look at American Idol results to know that's true.  It was the kiss of death this year.)  I think Patrice needs to be herself and change up her music selections instead of her hair.

Dana going home is not a surprise to me.  I think the band thought she was a joke.  These are some old guys!  How are they going to deal with having a 22 year old goody-goody fronting them?  It would be a joke.  It she hadn't shown up with such a fresh face, with the opinion that she was there to learn from everyone else.  If she had shown up with some attitude and more confidence, she would have done a lot better.  I am glad to see her go. . . and one last thought.  I really hope she doesn't plan on having children, because that tattoo she got is going to get all stretched to hell and look ridiculous if she does.  Don't any women think about that when they get tattoo's? 

It makes me think about college and how all my sorority sisters were coming home with these Grateful Dead bears tattooed an inch or two in from their hip bone.  When one particularly dense sister showed off her tattoo, I asked her if she planned on having any kids.  "Yeah, a couple," she said.  "Think about it," I said while holding my arms out in front of a mock pregnant belly.  "Oh," she said.  Yeah, "OH".  To all the young gals out there planning on getting tattoo's, try to remember to get them on a non-stretchy, unaffected by pregnancy body part, like maybe the back of your ear for example. 

And that's a wrap.  Until next week. . .

Rockstar Recap: Week 5

No, I didn't forget Week 4.  It's week 5 and last week I was apparently forgetting the first week, so I named my recap Week 3.  Week 3 is Week 4 and now we're Week 5.  Got it?  Good.

Patrice kicked off the night.  You know it's not good when the only thing you remember about her after the show is her hair.  What was up with that hair?  While I liked the fact that she changed it up, Dave is right.  In front of Tommy Lee, she sort of disappeared.  What did she sing anyway?

Josh was next and showed that this was the week for the vanilla boys.  He was totally awesome.  He came out with a bluesy-reggae Santeria by Sublime and he "crushed it" good.  I still don't see him fronting Supernova; but I at least like his music and think he'll do something after this is all over.  To be honest, I'm more likely to buy his album doing that kind of music than what I think Supernova is going to do.

Dilana is obviously a favorite of the boys'.  You can tell just by looking at their faces when she sings.  She did rock it with "I can't get enough of your love," but I prefer her softer side.  Although her performance was good tonight, all I could think about is that she really needs to stop smoking or at least sounding like she does.

Toby has gone down a notch in my book.  Sure, he's still easy on the eyes and all; but this week I checked out his "space" on the website and found this.  He has a typical rockstar mentality and the drinking habits to prove it apparently.  Although I like his voice a lot, I think he'll end up in rehab if he gets picked for the gig.

Zayra showed up in true Super Hero style once again. This week she was more Wonder Woman meets Victoria's Secret.  Tommy even invited her to wrestle in his room, which was just wrong.  She is proving that being off key and dressing like a deranged super hero is her thing, and it really doesn't work.  Sure, she's good comic relief for everyone.  There's no denying she's entertaining in a "need to look away" sort of way, but she really does need to go.

Magni did Cold Play tonight, and while the guys were thrilled with the performance, they must have heard something I didn't. I like Magni as a person.  He seems like a real sweetheart, but I'm not loving his performances that much.  Maybe it's just that I can't imagine him fronting Supernova.  He's too clean cut.  But tonight, he did Cold Play's song exactly as they do it and didn't change it up at all.  Without changing it up, I thought it was pretty dull and not nearly as good as the original. 

Ryan is who I'm calling to get the encore this week.  He tore it up on a baby grand while singing the hell out of REM's "Losing My Religion."  He was incredible and if he doesn't get the encore I will be shocked.  He showed himself as a real contender this week, and I look for him to go far if he keeps it up.  After he performed, Tommy told him that singing that song will "definitely get him laid," proving once again that Rockstar is not a family show and why I'll never be able to live blog it as long as my daughter is a night owl.  I so do NOT want to be explaining that terminology to a 5-year old.

Lukas is just scary.  He's got a screechy voice, scary red eye shadow, and despite the horror of it all. . . he's getting predictable and boring.  After Ryan's beautiful piano performance, he looked cheap and amateur.  I predict he'll be in the bottom three this week.

Storm showed once again why she's a front-runner tonight.  She lost the drama, and did a classy performance of "Changes."  There were no frills, but she put her voice on display and it worked.  If the encore doesn't go to Ryan, it will go to her.

Dana has been doing some great singing, but I can't help feeling like she's a pretender.  She's trying to be "bad." She's trying to play the part of the rockstar when she really doesn't have it.  There's no way she will get this gig.  She'll go home within the next few weeks for sure, once the really bad ones have been weeded. 

Jill. . . I almost forgot her.  Horrendous.  Dave Navarro described her performance as the one when everyone will get up to go to the bathroom and get a drink.  Yep, that pretty much sums it up.  From the kitchen I could tell she was oversinging her song and making a complete mess of it.  She lost Gilby's respect last week and everyone else's as well.

Bottom three predictions:  Jill, Zayra and Lukas. . . Jill goes home.  Why not keep the super hero around for another week?  At least she's more entertaining than watching Jill flip her hair around!

Encore goes to Ryan.

Rockstar Recap: Week 3 or WE HAVE TUNES!

Let me preface this by saying that I am very tired.  Lil C is popping a new and apparently very painful tooth which means there is lots of drool, crying, fussing, hold-me-mommy constantly, fussing. . . oh, I already said that. . . well, it warrants being said again, and again. . . fussy.  Oh, and did I mention her our lack of sleep? 

Anyway, tack onto that the fact that I tried to play tennis on my messed up knee for exactly 10 minutes last night before I called it quits and I am paying for those 10 minutes dearly.  Somehow I don't think it's going to magically heal by the time I need to get my tired behind to karate class this week.  This Rockstar Recap will be an accomplishment if I can even spell their names right.  So here goes. . .

First of all, WE HAVE TUNES!  Gilby, Jason, and Tommy must be reading my blog.  There really is no other explanation.  They showed up at the potential rockstars' mansion with actual recorded music that they had made, and recently.  And. . . it didn't suck.  I'm actually encouraged.  I may start to like this show more and pine for INXS a bit less.  A bit, I said.  Let's not get carried away. 

So, now that the potential rock stars actually know what kind of music they might be singing to, they have some idea of what songs to pick each week.  Well, at least everyone but Zayra does.  She's just out in left field, or actually more like the planet Mars, what with her galactic get-up this week.  Without further delay, the rock stars and my professional (lazy) opinion (me so tired. . . yawn).  Where was I?  Oh yeah:

Lukas:  If I don't look at him, I can sort of like him.  The arrangement he did tonight was really cool.  He took Cold Play and made it harder.  It was interesting to say the least.  Go Lukas.  Two thumbs up (and then falling down quickly because I'm falling asleep.)

Zayra:  Planet Earth to Starship Cluebag, do you read?  I must say, the blue sparkly spandex was almost enough to distract me from how lousy her voice was tonight.  Zayra, you can sing "Call me" all you want, but I can guarantee Supernova will not be calling you to front their band.  That outfit was like Wonder Woman gone wrong, so very terribly wrong.

Patrice:  Dave was rude!  RUDE, I tell you.  Maybe it's the divorce.  Maybe all the black nail polish, eyeliner and hair dye is seeping into his pores and numbing his brain filter. You know the filter that stops you from saying all the rude things you want to say but don't because they're, well. . . rude.  I don't think she did poorly at all.  Hey, at least she's consistent even if she doesn't change it up every week.

Toby:  He made me like Billy Idol tonight, and that is a hard thing to do.  Every week he shows up with that awesome voice and a killer performance.  The only thing scary about his performance this week was the girl in the audience who had her tongue sticking out the entire performance.  Her tongue was so insane that when she danced, I think it bounced off of her neck.  Put it away girl.  Scary.

Jill:  I'm not a fan.  Even though she sang o.k. tonight, I'm with Gilby on the whole "pelvic thrusting is wrong" thing.  I can't stand when women resort to sex; and I gained brand new respect for Gilby for pointing it out to her. 

Magni:  I look at him and think Bono from U2.  He sounds more like him every week.  He just doesn't jive in my head with the band SuperNova. 

Ryan: He brought it.  You go boy!  He went from vanilla last week to a step up this week.  I'll give him french vanilla.

Dana:  I eat my words from last week.  Ooh, yummy.  Nice job tonight.

Phil:  He has entirely too many ticks.  He reminds me of one time when I was talking to a boss I had in college.  She was showing me how someone talked to her, and she started sort of convulsing. I didn't realize that she was doing the imitation and I almost started searching for a tongue depressor and reaching for a phone to call an ambulance.  He makes me want to call for help. Not a good quality in a rock star.

Dilana: I had so many hits land on my site this week from searching for "Dilana".  I got scared.  "My GOD!  She knows about me," I thought.  "She's coming for me, and no karate can fend off Dilana when she's angry. . ." or so I imagined.  I think she reads my site too.  Seriously!  Because she sang Cyndi Lauper this week.  "Time after Time," is a tame song.  She did it so well.  It was very sweet, very sincere, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that she's growing on me.  Yep, I said it.  "Spawn of Satan" is growing on me.

Josh:  He did o.k.  I like the bluesy thing Josh brought to the Blind Melon song.  I just can't look at him without thinking that my sister's boyfriend has suddenly turned into a wanna-be rock star.  Weird.

Storm: With all the facial contortions, I can't watch her.  But while I was shielding my face (and probably starting to doze off) Mr. BBM hit the nail on the head.  "She's a skinny Wynonna Judd!"

He's so right.  I like listening; I just can't watch.

I think I remembered everyone.  I think I might have even spelled their names right.  If not, you get the idea.  Oh, and one more thing. . . Tommy Lee, this is on during prime time.  Children might be watching this show.  Please, DO NOT wear those jeans and then stand up and raise your arms to the sky.  Talk about scary.  Don't you know that ultra low rise jeans are reserved for teenagers with pot bellies?  Come on already!

Edited to add:  In my complete and utter exhaustion, I forgot to make my predictions.  Encore to Dana; bye-bye for the space cadet, Zayra.

And if you made it this far (all two of you who read my blog AND watch Rockstar) go on over to Birth Stories.  There are two new stories up.  One is by Lydia who is so hysterically funny that whether you are into reading about childbirth or not, you won't want to miss it.  She also sent along pictures of herself. . . DURING THE LABOR.  There is one picture that just shows the pain of childbirth so perfectly.  If you're a teenager and you're thinking how wonderful and romantic it would be to have a baby. . . GO LOOK AT HER FACE IN THAT PICTURE. . . and then wait ten years.  The other story is by Kailani and is a short, sweet letter to her baby.  Short and sweet because that's how her labor was-HEY, NOT FAIR!  Now, go, get, check them out.  I'm going to bed.

Rockstar Recap with help from Simon

Simon of American Idol had some free time this week.  He gave me some advice so that I could bring you this installment of the Rockstar Supernova run down. 

Patrice:  Although your singing voice is lovely, the skunk thing you've got going on with your hair is rather puzzling.  No really, I like you Patrice but I think you need to get a new stylist. 

Storm:  I seriously don't know what's worse:  Tommy Lee's sexual comments directed at just about EVERY single female contestant on the show or the fact that the women (most of them anyway) are acting less like they want to front the band and more like groupie I-want-to-sleep-with-you-in-your-trailer trash.  Seriously Storm, do you want to front them or . . . well, you know where I'm going with this.  She actually told Tommy she had six letters for him and and said "google."  All I'll say about that is this: white linen, shackles, no bra.  Storm, the name of the show is "Rockstar Supernova" not "Pornstar Supernova".  Then again, you already have the name for it. 

But seriously, if they don't respect you, they're not going to pick you to front the band.  Oh, and don't think you're fooling anyone.  "Storm Large" isn't your real name is it?  You're really Jane Krakowski.  Do you need any more proof than this?

Lukas:  It is not, I repeat NOT, a Robert Smith (The Cure's lead singer) look-alike contest.  I might like your voice if I wasn't so distracted by your appearance.  Are you and Patrice using the same colorist?

Jill:  I'm not buying the spit-fire Jill image that she's trying to portray.  Patrice would take her down in a second (Patrice is a martial artist after all).  Secondly, I still can't get that horrific Courtney Love imitation out of my head.  I'm betting the only reason the guys are keeping her around is because they'd rather look at her than the guys they've left go so far.

Ryan:  Vanilla.  He seems like a nice guy; he sings well enough.  Perfectly forgettable.

Phil:  I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the only reason Jason decided to get up and play the guitar with him is because he only had to watch the back of him. . . much better than being exposed to the unusual facial expressions.

Dana:  She's just bad, like really bad karaoke.  And proof that Tommy Lee needs glasses?  "You're so hot," is what he said to her.  When she sings. . . so not hot.

Toby:  It's not your fault, sweetheart.  Song choice, song choice.  That's all the guys talked about last week.  So this week, when they pick the songs that are distributed to the rockers. . . they pick "Runaway Train."  Come on already! 

Magni:  You were good.  Forgettable though, if you ask me.

Zayra:  "Everybody hurts. . . sometimes.  Everybody cries.  Everybody hurts. . ." Yeah, especially my ears.  The guys liked this but it left me scratching my head and wondering why they would like someone that my husband and I are calling the "Bad Bjork".  Maybe Tommy Lee was suffering from a low blood sugar because he actually licked his lips and said, "very yummy." 

Jenny:  Is that you Natasha?  Natasha Beddingfield, shame on you!  You already have a successful career.  Why do you want to front Supernova?  Why? 

After she performed her song, the guys stated that they are looking for "Oz Fest," not "Lilith Fair".  You picked the songs boys!  YOU DID!  If you want them to "crush it" as you keep saying, then give them some songs they can crush already.  I have to hand it to her though.  When Tommy started with the comments, she cut him off.  (She was probably thinking she had better cut him off before he started talking about her "ho-hum." His word, not mine!).

Spawn of Satan. . . I mean, Dilana: There's something about Dilana that just scares me.  Maybe it's the whole Elvira meets Bride of Frankenstein meets Hot Topic hoodie thing she's got going on; maybe it's something else entirely.  Do you see what I'm talking about here????

(Dilana, please don't hurt me.) I have to respect her though, because she is the one woman who when faced with sexual comments from the crew, simply turns her gaze to the next guy instead of standing on the stage fluttering her eyelashes and shaking her hips in a shameless way.  She's selling her marlboro-infused voice, not her sexuality; and you have to respect that even if she does give you nightmares. 

And I'm not just saying that because she scares me. . .

Really.

I'm going to take a guess that Dana gets sent packing. . .