Black Belt Mama

The Banshee at the Pool

I was going to write a post about things that annoy me, but then Mr. BBM reminded me that I would probably need a book for that topic. It's true. I get annoyed easily, but I'm fairly certain it's justified on most ocassions.

Yesterday, we spent the day relaxing at the pool. Big I was off playing with a friend. I can't even tell you how much I'm enjoying the age of eight, where she can go off on her own and I don't have to worry all the time. Lil C brought some mermaid barbie dolls and stuff to play with in the pool and I was hanging out with her at water's edge while she played and shared her dolls with her friends.

The mermaid dolls were popular and we were soon surrounded by a ton of kids each eager to have a look and more importantly, a turn.

One little girl in particular came over and immediately grabbed one of the Ariel mermaid dolls and started playing with it. We have two of them and as soon as the other one was put down for a second she picked that one up too. This child couldn't have been more than two years old. She was having a good time when she set one of the dolls down and Lil C's friend picked it up.

When the little girl realized she didn't have both Ariel dolls, she completely freaked out. I have two little girls and I know all about screaming, but I have never heard a child scream like that, ever. The sound was so shrill and piercing that I thought she was going to pop my ear drums. I kindly pointed out to her that she already had a doll, that they were the same, and that she needed to share (especially since the dolls weren't even hers).

She screamed louder in my face and then grabbed my forearm with her hand and pinched me as hard as she could. I removed her hand and told her that wasn't nice. You'd think her mother would have done this, but instead her mother just stood there while her child screamed directly in my ear and the mother told me "she doesn't like to share. None of my kids do," like this fact makes it ok that her kid is being a total jerk and that she's doing nothing about how her child is acting.

As Lil C's friend walked by with the doll, she went at him and hit him. This particular friend has no problem standing up for himself and he landed a nice kick right on her shin. The little girl screamed louder and grabbed my arm to pinch again. Clearly this kid has some anger issues. I was starting to feel like I was going to have some anger issues as well.

Meanwhile, the mother walks away, leaving her small screaming like a banshee child in my care, right at waters edge. Having been a lifeguard for four years, you would never find me leaving my child alone at the edge of the pool. Never. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I had to grab little arms and pull kids up who had slipped in the shallow water, faces just under the surface, while their parents chatted nearby.

I watched the woman walk completely around to the other side of the big pool while the little girl still screamed in my ear. I started contemplating dunking her. I'm not a horrible person, but my ear drums were seriously about to explode. Lil C's friend would walk over to the screaming kid every once in a while and yell "No!" at her. I clearly wasn't the only one irritated.

After being pinched twice and feeling like I would never hear right again, I told Mr. BBM he was on duty and walked back to where my neighbors and I were sitting. They handed me a beer.

I'm the parent who tells my kids to play with their own toys and to leave other kid's toys alone. I would never let my child take someone else's doll and then let her stand there and scream like that. Had that been Lil C, I would have handed the doll back immediately and walked my kid away, somewhere where she wasn't annoying everyone within a 30 ft. radius. And if she didn't stop? I would have gone home.

I started thinking maybe it was the Mom who needed to be dunked.

The little girl kept Lil C's doll for a good hour. Her Mom finally returned it as they were getting ready to leave; and I decided we won't be getting the mermaids out at the pool anymore, at least not when she's there.

The only thing worse than an annoying kid is an equally, if not more so, annoying parent.

This Movement Needs a Celebrity

As a suburban and blogging nobody, it's difficult to make companies like Dolce & Gabbana listen when I get upset. It occurred to me the other night that what this movement against violent advertising needs, is a celebrity spokesperson. Let's face it, people like me aren't exactly buying D&G items. People who read my blog probably aren't either. Celebrities do.

So how does a small-time blogger, Mom, and part-time instructor get the attention of a credible celebrity? How does one convince a celebrity to pick up the cause, get pissed off, and speak out against major fashion companies who objectify women and advertise shoes with images of gang rape?

Do celebrities care? Does anyone know one so we can ask?

This Woman is Ready to Start a Movement

I need to first make something very clear. I've never burned a bra (they cost too much money to do that and I need mine); and I've never gone more than like two days without shaving my arm-pits (and that was when I had ACL surgery and wasn't allowed to shower).

I took several women's studies classes when I was at the University of Pittsburgh. I had some great ones (mostly the literature ones), and I had some not-so-great ones.

One of the not-so-great ones was led by a total whack job woman who was further encouraged in her wackiness by a chorus of crazy female students. I hated the class and felt like it was this giant complain-o-rama about men. I also got berated on a daily basis by a group full of women students lacking basic hygiene skills who told me that because I did my hair and put on make-up, I was catering to men and making myself a sex object.

They considered me putting cherry chap-stick on, catering to men and becoming a sex object. Whatever. I skipped a lot of that class. Talking back to the girl who snorts insults at you while she very publicly sucks her thumb doesn't exactly feel fair in the grand scheme of things.

My Dad has always classified me as a "feminist" but he seriously has no idea how far off base he is in calling me a "feminist" considering some of my classmates in those classes.

I grew up swearing I would never have kids, and that I was going to be some high-powered lawyer and eat people alive who got in my way. I spent my college years in writing and communications classes. In one of my classes, I spent a semester researching how women were portrayed in advertising, particularly in men's magazines. I found ads for watches that featured a lifeless woman on the ground with a man's shadow standing above her. It was eye-opening and disturbing and I told anyone about it who would listen, but I wasn't exactly the type to swear off lipstick, burn my bra, and start rowdy protests. I'm not that kind of girl.

If you ask Mr. BBM about me and my "feminist ways," he'll tell you I'm a "true feminist," that I will fight for and speak up about women's issues, but that I won't be pigeon-holed into a liberal feminist agenda. Yes, I believe you can be a feminist and still be pro-life. I am.

I spent my years after college baffled at who I had become. Instead of going to law school, I got my Master's in Education. Instead of being the high-powered single girl, I got married at the age of 23. And then, after only working in the real world for two years, I got pregnant and left my career (where I was making more than my husband) to stay at home full time and raise my daughter.

Fast forward to present time, where I am now staying at home raising two daughters, and teaching at the university level. Today, I had three young women do their final speech on how women are portrayed in the media. It was a brilliant speech. They divided it into three sections: women in the 50's, women now, and the problems associated with the pressure society puts on women.

They talked about the typical 1950's housewife. They discussed Marilyn Monroe and then they moved into a visual showing the difference between models back then and models now. Some of the pictures were disturbing. When the speech was finished, it was followed by a Q & A session. After listening to these girls, rattling off statistics and facts and hearing them pour their hearts and souls into their presentations, I was shocked to hear some of the questions coming from the audience.

A lot of the guys felt like they were under attack, despite the fact that the girls said their speech was not to blame any individual person or group, but rather to bring attention to the way society portrays women in the media. Even some of the girls got worked up in the audience. "Well, don't these models have a choice to not be that thin? Well don't they have a choice to not have eating disorders?"

I was shocked.

The presenters hadn't done any blaming, only pointing out various facts and stats, and they were being eaten alive by an audience hungry to throw the blame back on them. I stepped in and redirected at times, but when all was said and done, I was sad and disappointed about it.

I've frequently heard women say that today's women don't care about women's issues the way women did 30 years ago. I obviously had a couple students concerned about it enough to create an entire presentation on it. But the opposition they were met with was downright shocking.

Is there no one out there who cares that high fashion ads are using women in violent ways to get their point across?

The above ad is for a shoe by the way, not gang rape, in case you weren't clear. Spain and Italy banned the ad saying it is no way was related to what they were trying to sell and that it was violent towards women.

And this one below? If you said shoes, and not stuffing some dead girl in the trunk of a car, well, then you would be right. You can read more about this ad here.

 

And then there's this one. Obviously advertising a man's suit. . .

 

Visit the site where I found this one for even more disturbing ads.

I think that we've become so used to seeing violence against people, and women in particular, that these images don't have the same kinds of effects that they used to have on people. And personally, I think that's a terrible shame.

As a Mom of two young girls who I don't want ever exposed to this kind of stuff, I think it's time that we started a little movement of our own. Companies who put out ads like this need to be contacted and told that their ads are disgusting, and that the public doesn't want to see stuff like this. It's simply not healthy.

To contact the US Dolce & Gabbana offices, you can write or phone here:

Dolce & Gabbana USA Inc.
148, Lafayette Street
New York, NY 10013
Tel.+1-212-750.0055

Loula is a company based in Melbourne, but you can email them at: Email: hello@loula.com.au.

To contact Duncan Quinn, you can write or call here:

8 Spring St.
NY, NY 10012
(212) 226-7030

According to a review I read online, the man himself actually mans the store quite often.

If you aren't bothered by these ads, or if you'd like to see more of what I'm talking about and what my young women in class were talking about today, then watch this:

There any many sites out there drawing attention to this kind of garbage and taking a stand against it. All one needs to do is google "violent ads women" and you'll find them no problem.

Will you join me in being outraged?

Will you join me in doing something about it?

 

The Fastest Way to Black Belt

One would think that this site is the definitive guide to getting the fastest black belt possible. My search stats certainly tell that story. There are a ton of people out there looking for this information. They also tell me about all the people looking for "black belt essays." Of course, it's unfair for me to assume they're looking to find a pre-written essay to turn in as their own; but being a teacher who has seen a lot of plagiarism, I can't help but go there when I see people searching for those words and landing on my site.

Unfortunately, people searching for "fast black belts" and "black belt essays" are going to come up short on this site. If there's one thing I can't tell you about, it's getting a black belt fast. There have been lots of delays in that area when it comes to me, so I can give those people some advice of what not to do in order to get their black belt faster.

First, don't get whiplash. Whiplash equals a two-three month delay in training, easily.

Second, don't tear your ACL. ACL tears equal a minimum of 6 months to 17 months in order to get back on the floor. And some people don't come back at all. Tearing one's ACL makes people contemplate changing their web site's name from "Black Belt Mama" to "1st Kyu Forever." In other words, it's not the route you should take if you're looking to get somewhere fast.

It always cracks me up when people inquire as to how long it takes to get a black belt. The answer is simply, it takes as long as it takes. There's no magic number of classes or years of training. If someone gives you a number (or a dollar amount), then you should probably run the other direction.

The truth is that the belt doesn't have any super powers, so there's really no reason to need one quickly. You don't suddenly learn to run across the tops of trees. You don't instantly know how to throw a ki ball at an approaching attacker, or your sister if she happens to be on your nerves. You don't instantly bring people to their knees when you utter the words, "I'm a black belt." Come to think of it, the people who wear those black belts don't have super powers either. Unless, of course, you consider all the blood, sweat and tears they've put into their training. The dedication it takes to be a good martial artist is a true "super power."

So if one is truly looking for the fastest way to black belt, then one can go to any martial arts supply store and buy one. Unfortunately, you don't need a license to purchase those belts; but I can't guarantee it will give you happiness, make you invincible, or give you any super powers. It's just a belt, and you can find a bogus one with a matching certificate on eBay within minutes. After all, it's the person's journey that makes all the difference, not the belt or its color (says the girl who's been a 1st kyu since May 2007).

Member Appreciation. . . Not

When I joined my gym back in October, I spent a good 10 hours negotiating a rate. I left a couple times, refused to return phone calls, and then finally signed a contract when it was what I wanted in the first place. It kind of felt like buying a car. . . for a gym membership. Ridiculous.

Yesterday was "Member Appreciation Day." One of the manager's approached me as I was starting my workout and asked me if I'd like to take advantage of their "special promotion" for members. I currently pay $34.99/month plus $7.00/month for the Kid Zone. I negotiated no initiaition fee on the sign-up. I didn't want to pay one to get a lower rate, because honestly, I didn't know how much I'd like the gym or how long I would truly last.

The promotion they were running yesterday was this: give my current membership to my husband and then pay $840.00 up front for three years. Basically, you pay for two years and they give you the third free. They also said they'd throw in a Kid Zone membership for my second child for free for one year. On the surface, it sounds good. My monthly rate would be cut from $34.99/month plus the $7/month for KidZone, down to about $22 spread out over those three years. After that, you're "grandfathered" in at $23/month.

It's a great deal if:

• You know you're not going to tire of the gym over the course of many years.
• You have $840 to put up for it right now.
• You're interested in giving a gym that kind of money, committing yourself for three years, and giving away any leverage you have when issues come up.

I considered it and thought it was initially a good plan; but Mr. BBM and I are currently looking for a new car. We'd also like to landscape and build a patio on our house. In addition, I really want to get Lil C to Disney World while she's still little. All of those things require cash, and so do the knee surgery bills that are still rolling in from January.

I'd like to make a couple suggestions to the gym for how to really, truly appreciate your members.

First, allow your members with children to bring an additional kid to Kid Zone for free (or at the very least, the same rate of your first child) over the summer months. This would make a lot of mom members happy; mom members talk (a lot). Word of mouth is good for business.

Second, give out free padlocks, workout towels or water bottles. It costs very little to do this, but people like getting free stuff. Why do you think there are so many review blogs out there? Plus, free towels or water bottles with the gym name on them is also good for business.

Third, when you say you're going to give us a free month when we sign up, make sure it shows up. How can I trust any deals you have when you're not honoring our original one?

Fourth, offer to give members a lower monthly rate, paid monthly instead of all up front, with a one year committment. One year committments are way less scary than a three year one.

Finally, don't act like Member Appreciation Day has anything to do with appreciating members. It's about sales, money and volume. You probably shouldn't leave your little check-off until bonus sheet right in the middle of your desk. Suddenly, I'm not an appreciated member; I'm just number 16 on your list. Ask any woman and she'll tell you that we don't ever like being tick marks on a sheet.

Rihanna as Role Model

When the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna thing happened a couple weeks ago, there's no denying that it bothered me. I happen to like the music of both artists. There were different viewpoints all over the place. On MTV.com, there were a ton of people blaming Rihanna for what happened. It was mostly young girls and it was deplorable. There were calls for Rihanna to leave Chris Brown. She even got a scolding from the almighty Oprah. Even martial arts bloggers picked up the issue and asked whether or not it was related to some MA training Chris Brown had as a kid. It was everywhere and I felt that everything had been said about it, but I don't feel that way anymore.

Yesterday, I read an interesting post on BlogHer about Nickolodeon refusing to remove Chris Brown from the Kids Choice awards ballot despite the fact that he had been charged with a felony and pretty much admitted everything. The post mentioned a petition that was circulating asking Nickolodeon to remove him and Rihanna from the ballot. In a little over a couple hours, the petition signatures had swelled to over 12,000. Nickolodeon refused to remove Brown from the ballot, but Chris Brown eventually (after asking all his MySpace followers to vote for him) withdrew his name from consideration. I was one of the people who signed the petition.

Do I think Rihanna did anything wrong? Do I think she should be punished for getting her face rearranged by her boyfriend?

Absolutely not, but Rihanna is no role model.

According to the American Institute on Domestic Violence, 5.3 million women are abused each year. 1,232 women are killed by an intimate partner. 85-95% of all domestic abuse victims are women. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. According to asafeplaceforhelp.org, Every 9 seconds, a woman is battered by her husband. 42% of murdered women are murdered by their intimate partner. 

I learned this in a class in college, but nearly 90% of all women in prison for murder are there because they murdered an abusive intimate partner.

We all pay for domestic violence because health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide by intimate partners exceed $5.8 billion each year.

I am not naive about the impact that abuse has on the psyche of a woman. I know that this is a pattern and that many women have no way of leaving this pattern of abuse.  Many women are trapped out of fear, but a lot more of them are trapped because of finances. They have nowhere to go and no money to get out.

This is not the case with Rihanna. She has the financial means to get away from him. She has body guards to protect and keep her safe. She has a family that supports her. She has a huge fan base that does too.

Yet she has chosen to stay.

I'm not blaming her for what has happened to her. I don't feel it is in any way, shape, or form her fault. Not if she threw Brown's keys out of the car, not if (like many rumor mills are saying) she gave him an STD. But that doesn't mean I have to allow her to be looked upon as a role model by my children. Is she what we aspire for our young daughters to be someday? Successful enough to support herself and then some, but choosing to stay with a man who beats her?

Not a role model.

We've probably all had a relationship at one time or another that was unhealthy. I stayed with a total jerk for a year and even went back to him years later because I thought what we had, despite all the problems we had, was love. I was very wrong.

I think it's important for girls to know the components of a healthy relationship. It's also important for them to know that what the heart may feel isn't necessarily the right thing.

Rihanna had a rare opportunity, being as famous as she is, to stand up and walk away from Brown. She had a story that could have saved girls for generations to come, from being trapped inside a bad relationship. Yet for now, she's choosing to stay in a national media spotlight as the complete opposite, and that earned both Brown and Rihanna another name on the petition.

Rihanna could have been a national spokesperson against domestic violence and she would have reached millions of young girls and boys with her powerful message. Instead, she's made herself the poster child for domestic violence and abuse, and I fear that the poster pictures of her in the future will only get worse.

I can't help but think that her song Rehab may have been reflecting her daily reality. At least her song lyrics send a different message than her choice to stay with Brown.

The Trouble with Getting Involved

In my Composition class last semester, we spent a couple weeks debating and writing position papers about issues. Some of them were touchy. Students were asked to read two essays each featuring an opposing viewpoint. Then, they were divided up into groups. Depending on how students felt about the issue, some students were forced to take a look at and create arguments to support something they felt the opposite about. It was a great exercise in critical thinking skills and students learned that the best way to make their argument stronger was to study the opposition.

One of the issues that the students wanted to tackle was altruism. Do people help other people out of the goodness of their hearts or do they do it for selfish reasons, to feel good about themselves for helping someone else?

This was the hottest debate of all the issues in class. I had several EMTs in the class and they were extremely vocal about their own personal experiences. They didn't do what they do, sometimes putting themselves in sticky situations, for themselves. They did it to help others. A selfless act. Period.

To introduce this issue, I told the students a personal story that I'd like to share with you too.

When I was a freshman in college, a scary thing happened on campus one day. I was returning to my dorm at the University of Pittsburgh and I noticed a large crowd of people standing around the lobby and the entrance to the cafeteria. In order to get to my dorm, I had to walk through the crowd of people. I figured it was just an exciting menu that day (as if that was possible), but I was very wrong.

When I got closer to the crowd, I realized that the people were gathered around a fight. There were at least 50 people standing in a circle around the fight, maybe more. I got a good look at what was going on inside the circle and it wasn't pretty. A group of guys, who clearly didn't belong on campus, and who definitely were not students at Pitt were beating the living daylights out of a freshman student. There were three guys beating up this one kid and he was not looking good.

He staggered around barely able to stand. Blood was coming out of his nose and mouth. His eyes were already swollen. His face had been beaten to a pulp. I don't know what happened before I got there, but the three guys doing the damage were taking their time with it, enjoying this kids inability to do anything but stagger around, and enjoying every drop of blood that was landing on the floor. The kid clearly needed help.

I quickly scanned the circle. I noticed some of my friends, big guys, who were standing there watching. No one was enjoying what was happening, with the exception of the three guys delivering the beating, but no one was doing anything to help.

I didn't make a conscious decision to do what I did. I just did what my body made me do. Before I knew it, I was charging into the middle of the circle, grabbing the kids arm, pulling it around my shoulder as he could barely walk, and quickly removing him from the circle. I walked him out of the circle as the group of people parted. I remember the three guys saying something, but I shot them a look and kept moving. I just had to keep moving. . . quickly. I remember screaming for people to get out of my way and looking at them incredulously. How could someone stand there and watch someone be beaten like that?

I made my way to the office where they kept the vacuum cleaners. I knew that door locked. I yelled at the woman who was working there at the window that day to "Open the door NOW!". She buzzed me in and I got the kid in the office and behind a locked door.

Moments later, the campus police and the Pittsburgh City Police arrived and began chasing the guys who were beating the kid up. A few moments after that, the ambulance arrived. They strapped that kid onto a stretcher. He didn't even know where he was as they wheeled him out to the waiting ambulance.

When it was all over, my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. It had been terrifying, but none of that hit me until after it was over. I told the campus police what I had witnessed and then found my friends.

None of them could believe I had just walked into that circle and grabbed the kid. Personally, I couldn't believe I was the only person who did walk into that circle! When someone is in trouble, I was raised to help them. I heard it through the campus gossip that the kid spent days in the hospital and had suffered a major concussion among other injuries. He had been targeted by a bunch of thugs for no apparent reason. A bunch of jerks decided to walk onto campus and find an easy target.

I used this example to bring up the issue of altruism. I let the students ask me questions about it. I had absolutely nothing to gain by walking into that circle, but what if I hadn't? I would be haunted by the fact that I didn't help. What if one more hit to the head would have done him in completely? What if I would have allowed that to happen instead of stepping in? Did they think I had done it out of the goodness of my heart or had I done it to feel good about myself?

I told them the answer was really neither. To decide to do something for someone whether out of the goodness of your heart or for selfish reasons takes thought. There was no thought in my actions. There was just action. I never thought about the possible consequences until much later. It was just the right thing to do, and it was a complete gut reaction. From the moment I realized what was happening until the moment I entered that circle, it was only seconds.

Why do I bring this up? The Nigel Haskell McDonald's thing has me really worked up.

When I stepped into that circle, bad things could have happened. Those thugs could have targeted me. I could have been hit. I took a major risk by walking into that circle, but here's the thing, I didn't consciously make that decision. I didn't decide to move into that circle and help the kid. I just did. I know that I did the right thing.

What if one of those guys had a gun or a knife? What then? What if I had been stabbed or shot? Would people be saying I'm stupid? That I escalated the situation? That I should have waited for the cops? I'm sure they would. But when it was happening there was no choice. There was someone who needed my help and I gave it.

I'm quite certain that Nigel Haskell reacted the same way, not logically and not thinking about the possible consequences, but rather, "this is wrong" and "I need to do something." Or maybe, like me entering that circle, there wasn't even a thought until it was all over. Maybe it was his gut that moved him to come to the woman's aid like my gut moved me to help that poor guy.

In instances like this, it's very easy for those who observe to pass judgement about how a person reacted. Hindsight though, is almost always 20/20. The heat of the moment isn't quite so simple and lucid.

Given that, what would you have done if you had witnessed what Nigel Haskell did? Would you have intervened? Called the police from your cell without intervening? Ignored it altogether? What would you have done if the man continued to hit the woman? Could you have stood by doing nothing? Would you have intervened then? What's the right thing to do in a situation like this for an ordinary citizen? What's the right thing to do from a martial arts perspective?

What would you have done given the situation as it was? What would you have done if the man had continued his beating on the woman? What then? I'm all ears. I think this is an important discussion for society and especially for martial artists.

Yet Another Reason to Boycott McDonald's

If you've been a reader here for a while, then you know that I have a love/hate (mostly the latter) relationship with McDonald's. McDonald's used to be my Thursday savior. I used to pick up food for dinner on Thursday nights because there simply wasn't enough time to make dinner and get to karate on time. In recent months, I convinced Big I that eating McDonald's food before going to karate really made no sense at all. Karate is about being healthy and strong. McDonald's, despite their best marketing efforts, is not.

Tonight, I heard about this story. If you can't see this video, you can go here to view it.  You can also go here to read more about it.

For those too lazy to click, a 21-year old McDonald's employee named Nigel Haskell was shot several times while on the job at McDonald's. McDonald's is denying his workers compensation because of the circumstances surrounding his being shot. Was he dealing drugs on the job? Joining a gang perhaps? No. While working his shift, a male customer got up and began an argument with a woman. He hit the woman in the face and Nigel, being a good samaritan, ran up to the jerk, a convicted felon and 1st class something-that-rhymes-with-glass, tackled him and dragged him out of the restaurant. He also stood at the door preventing the man from coming back inside. The man went to his car, returned with a gun and shot Nigel several times.

Nigel has had to undergo three abdominal surgeries. His medical bills top $300,000 and McDonald's says they won't pay because they say they explicitly tell their employees NOT to be hero's.

Take away the fact that they never give me my requested sauces. Include the fact that they frequently give me sprite instead of my ordered diet coke, and that I can't get a McTasty without cheese to save my life? I am so done with McDonald's.

What kind of world are we living in when we discourage good samaritan acts? What was he supposed to do? Stand there and let another man beat down a woman in the restaurant? Wait for the police while the guy kills her as others try to eat their french fries in peace. Or maybe we should all just turn our heads, allow a man to hit a woman, and maybe even drag her out the door to the car where a gun is waiting, so things can go from bad to worse.

We already live in a society where people are afraid to step up and help other people. Now this. McDonald's, you should be completely ashamed of yourselves and your stupid policies. I can guarantee you that the only nuggets my kids will be eating from now on will be coming from my freezer.

Won't you join me in boycotting the anti-good-samaritan restaurant? I would attempt to raise money for Nigel's medical bills here, but I am convinced that no judge will allow McDonald's to shirk their duties to their employee. Nigel Haskell is a hero who deserves to have his medical bills paid in full.

Was Nigel hurt while working at McDonald's, on their property?

Yes.

Case closed.

McStick your not-helping-people "policy" where the sun doesn't McShine McDonald's.

If you're going to read this, then you might as well go here and read this and then join in on the conversation.

Makes Me Cranky: On Plagiarism and Lacking Originality

Although most people who know me think I'm a nice person, many people would also tack on to that description that I can be cranky at times. Some of the things that make me cranky?

Disorganization

Late assignments

Constant mess (as in "Pick up your toys already!")

Piles of laundry thanks to multiple "wardrobe changes" within a day

Plagiarism

That last one is a big one. When I taught 9th grade many years ago, we did a month long poetry unit. I made it fun and accessible for the kids. The month long study of poetry culminated with a poetry portfolio that reflected a theme of their choosing. Students were to find poetry that fit the theme and also write their own.

I took home a stack of portfolios and was shocked to see that I had five different students who were guilty of plagiarism. Two were actually claiming to have written the exact same poem. They didn't know each other and were in separate classes. Another student wrote a poem so genius that I became suspicious. A simple google search told me what I needed to know. It was plagiarized, plain and simple. Students who were friends with these kids were including these poems in their portfolios and giving credit to their friends for writing them. It needed to be stopped. They needed to learn a lesson.

As my 6th period walked into class the day after I had collected the portfolios, they noticed two pieces of paper taped to the board. One was the original poem with the author's name, web address, etc. The other was the version turned into me by the student. I never saw someone's face turn that shade of red before. The day before, he had been a celebrity. Not so much anymore.

He made a public apology to the class, received an F on his portfolio and he also got sent to the principal for plagiarism. The other two students got the same treatment.

As a writer, plagiarism is something I just don't understand. I can understand carelessly forgetting a quotation mark or something. Stuff happens like that sometimes, not that it's ever happened to me though. I'm extremely careful like that. But flat out taking someone else's writing or ideas and saying its your own is just brazen and stupid.

The University where I teach has a strict policy on plagiarism and teachers have access to a wonderful website where you upload a paper and watch the results come in as to how much of it is plagiarized. I made my warning quite clear to my students and I haven't had a problem so far.

The internet is a different story.

I've heard stories about bloggers having their entire blog ripped off and republished somewhere else on the web under a different person's name. It's also not uncommon for people to take a blogger's RSS feed and republish it to their own site. To combat this, I set up google alerts. It's simple to do and every blogger who worries about having their content ripped off should take a few moments to set it up. Beyond the google alerts, and I swear even more effective than them, are you, my awesome readers.

I can count at least five different occasions where I've received an email from a reader, telling me that someone has stolen my photo, web design, or entire posts (There's currently some chick on the other side of the world ripping off my web design almost in its entirety. It's not a template honey. It's mine. Get your own!). I found out thanks to one of you.

As a writer, and as someone who spent months trying to figure out what to call my blog, I get really upset about this stuff. Beyond flat out stealing images and content, there's also SEO hijacking and that really irritates me too. I used to teach a blog writing course and I told my students that when creating their blog, they have to do the research. They have to put in the time to make sure they're choosing an original name that isn't stepping on anyone's toes. 

Changing just one little part of a website title or design doesn't count as being original either. The way I see it, if you can't come up with something original on your own, then maybe writing online isn't for you.  And, if you don't want to put in the time to make sure you're being original, then write in a private journal and save yourself the wrath of bloggers who work hard to create original content. Trust me when I say, we're willing to fight for it too.

Without filing a single piece of paper with the government, bloggers are protected by copyright and trademark laws. Don't believe me? Google it. And not doing the research is not an excuse. Even if you think you have an original name for a blog, it's irresponsible to not check out the competition and insure that you've come up with something that is uniquely yours.

Whenever another one of these things happens, I get very grumpy about it. I start thinking about removing my blog. I start thinking I should password protect it. After all, I started this site with the hopes that I could eventually use it to catapult myself into a book deal or at least a permanent writing gig somewhere. I've been writing a lot on the side lately and am getting more and more motivated to get that book rolling. Putting yourself out there though, means you're also putting out your content and your ideas and they're ripe for someone else to wrongfully claim.

The thing is though, I like blogging and putting my writing out there. I like the community and how I've found friends in the most unlikely of places through writing this blog. I don't want to shut it down or password protect it to protect my content. I shouldn't have to do that. Instead, people should just be smart and for a change, try being original.

I want to thank those of you who send me emails and act as the "Black Belt Mama" police. I know I've returned the favor for some of you out there over the past few years and I'll continue to do so.

They say that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but there is nothing "sincere" about ripping off someone else's ideas, photos or writing.

Nothing.

To Those Girls at the Gym (You Know Who You Are)

When I go to the gym, I throw on whatever is clean and comfortable and go. If I'm having a serious blemish problem, I'll cover it up, but I don't put on make-up to go to the gym (unless you count chapstick) and I don't go looking as if I'm going out to a club. When I'm there, my headphones are in my ears and I'm not talking to a soul. Maybe I'll say a few words to a trainer if they approach me first. Otherwise, leave me alone.

I have a set amount of time and I'm there to work out. I'm not there to socialize or make fun of people, not even the little old guys who wear the short tight gym shorts pulled up past their belly buttons. The way I see it, they're there to work out too and who am I to make fun of them for their workout attire? It's not a fashion show people. It's the gym.

Last night, I was the victim of teenage abuse. Several teenage girls wearing super short shorts and super tight shirts were standing around, I guess working their necks, seeing as how they were tossing their hair around endlessly. I never even would have noticed them if it wasn't for the fact that an entire posse of them were taking up residence on both of the slant boards and intensely watching me workout.

Since the free-weight area was pretty jammed up, I used a step aerobic step as my bench and sat down to do some shoulder exercises. I was totally into what I was doing, until I was rudely taken out of my element by staring, laughing and nasty catty looks from this group of wanna-be Hanna Montana's Paris Hilton's. I ignored them for as long as I possibly could, completely not understanding why I was being targeted by this little clan of hussies. 

Then it occurred to me. I was wearing long pants and a long sleeve shirt, not a near bikini like they were. The one girl was particularly catty and snotty and started glaring at me in the mirror. She wanted me to look at her. At one point, I couldn't take it anymore and met her glare in the mirror with an obvious mocking of the way she was looking at me. I mouthed the word "what?" at her giving her all of her attitude back and then some. My look said, "You got a problem biotch? You want some of this Adidas clad lady?" I wanted to say, "You know, if you spent half the time you're spending glaring at me, actually working out, maybe your butt wouldn't be so flabby." I bit my tongue. She seemed surprised that I glared back at her and turned away uncomfortably. She tried to rally her group but I was imagining putting her into a wrist lock that would drop her to the floor and I think she felt it. She tossed her hair in another direction and then did a sit-up. Yes, one. When I was teaching high school, someone once bought me a pottery jar that says, "Ashes of obnoxious teenagers" and I now know it was made because of girls like her.

I also learned that it takes only one nasty glare from some stupid girl to take you right back to the feelings of Junior High all over again. Fun stuff. The difference is that in Junior High I would have left the area immediately, too afraid to meet their glares or let them know they were out of line.

When I was finished in that area, I went to find my friend and told her about the snotty girls and how I much prefer going to the gym in the morning when the seniors contingent is there. They're much nicer. Also, there are a ton of big built guys, some of them quite young, but you never get anything but a nice "hello" and smile from them. In fact, I have never seen a single guy in the gym ever making fun of anyone. They're like me; they're there to workout. Plain and simple. What the hell was that girls problem?

My friend laughed it off and said she doesn't let things like that bother her. You should know that nothing bothers this particular friend. She said, "she was probably jealous of your body." Right. I try not to let stuff bother me, man, how I wish it didn't, but I'm sensitive like that. Also, most teenagers I know tend to show a little respect. Out of all my students this semester, I only had one who ever gave me attitude. She dropped the class the first week when she realized it wasn't going to fly with me.

As much as I tried not to let this chick bother me last night, she did. I think she bothered me so much because she is exactly the kind of girl I want to shield my girls from. She's that catty, attitude laden you-know-what who puts out for guys, and gives girls a bad reputation. I don't want my girls to become her and I don't want anyone like her messing with them.

While driving home I had this fantasy about walking into the new semester next month and seeing her in my class. "Oh, you go to the gym don't you? Uh-huh, I know who you are." Far-fetched, I know, but it made me feel a little better.

I was talking to Mr. BBM about it last night and when I told him about my behavior back, I said, "How very martial arts of me." I know I should have just completely ignored her but unlike Brian Preston's one teacher in Me, Chi and Bruce Lee I think that sometimes people do need to make some waves. I think that girl deserved to know she was messing with the wrong person and that she shouldn't be messing with anyone just because they don't look like her, dress like her or act like her. Deep inside, I think she thought I was older and therefore an easy target. I don't want to be an easy target and I let her know that I'm not. Sometimes, people need to know their place and be called on it when they're doing something rude. Otherwise, how will she learn? I like to think that last night will stand out in her head, and that she'll think twice about doing the same thing to someone else.

She should also know that karma is a real bitch, and what goes around truly does come back around; and with the way she was acting it will come back around with the force of a slingshot. Fast forward 20 years to when some teenage girl decide to make fun of her for waltzing around the gym wearing hot pants with a non-hot butt. That's how I'm going to imagine things if I see her again. Hopefully I won't.

Karma, karma, karma, my new mantra for dealing with nasty teenagers. I should probably find that piece of pottery and carry it around as my water bottle at the gym too.

Frustrations Abound

I arrived at the gym this morning with an extra kid for KidZone. The cost is $3/day or you can pay by the month. I pay $7/month for Lil C and it's worth it. I put her in KidZone two-three times per week. With Christmas vacation coming up, I know I'll be needing Big I to go in there too. So I asked if I could just pay for one month (December) due to her Christmas vacation. I told them I'd also like to sign her up over the summer.

They told me that I have to pay first and last months and that the rate is now $10/month. That's just not fair. If I'm paying $7 for one kid, why should I have to pay $10 for another. I told them so.

I like going to my gym, but they are constantly trying to squeeze another dollar out of you. I told them that they have a ton of Mom's who are usually there on Monday's who weren't there today because their kids had off from school. I asked them if they realized that this was a service Mom's need and that they would be able to make good money off of it too. They don't seem to care.

Because I continued to complain, they told me I could put Big I in KidZone today for free. I dropped them off and headed out onto the floor. I ran into the guy I'd like to be my trainer. He knew I was irritated so I told him and another trainer what a bunch of crap that is that I can't pay for just one month, and that they won't give me the rate I already have for my first kid. They agreed.

Unfortunately we live in a world where people can't use their brains and think about something that would make sense for both company and customer. They get their little programs from corporate and they will not deviate. It's annoying and beyond frustrating.

Last week, I approached the trainer I like working out with (who usually just does the free session and then signs you up and ships you off to another less capable trainer). I asked him quietly if he does anything on the side. I told him I can't afford the rates at the gym but I'd like to do something with him. He seemed interested and said he would call me.

Today I talked to him about it again and he's interested. I'm hoping something works out with him. I'm also hoping I can find a good babysitter for December because I refuse to give the gym any more of my hard earned money.

The New Standard in Underwear?

I finally broke down and went to Victoria Secret yesterday. I had to drag the girls along, but my "girls" couldn't take it anymore. Here are some signs that you need a new bra or two:

• When you lift your arms above your head, your bra begins to support your collar bone.
• During the middle of teaching your class, you realize that one of your girls has been set free thanks to a strap that has come completely undone.

• Your current bra begins to impale you with sharp nasty wire every time you cross your arms.

Yes, it was definitely time for a new bra or three, which has now set us back enough that Christmas gifts will take a hit. I've tried the cheap bra thing and it just doesn't work. I'd rather spend $40+ for something I know won't wear out for a while. Actually that would be $45, because the inflation on bras has hit a new high.

I figured I should also look at some underwear, and it was then that I discovered that dental floss has become the new standard in womens underwear. I must have searched for a good 15 minutes, but unless I wanted the standard cotton, there was nothing that I felt I could or wanted to try to pull off. There was see-through business that would just end up in the crack. There was fluffy, ruffly nonsense that wouldn't even fit under a pair of jeans (No thank you. I'm not really the type to walk around in fluffy underwear and a hoodie). And there was heiney floss. Really there's no other term that appropriately describes it.

I know there are plenty of women out there who wear this stuff, and who pretend like it's actually comfortable, but there is no way I'm paying $15 for something that I could easily make for a few cents from something in my medicine cabinet. I'm just not that girl.

VS used to carry low rise seamless underwear that was silky without being see-through and sexy without being slutty. It appears those days are over. Either that or they were sold out of it because the only other option is butt floss.

I truly think women need to stand up and demand better for our butts. Just say no to the floss ladies, and join me in an effort to restore cheeks as part of the standard coverage.  I'm too young for Grandma pants and I can't be the only one bothered by this strange phenomenon.

My Inner Costanza

I'll admit it. I can be judgmental about parenting skills. Once when I was in college, a woman in the grocery store line in front of me handed her baby, a little boy who couldn't have been more than 10 months old, a package of ground beef. When he poked his finger through it and began sucking the raw beef off his finger, his mother smacked him and started screaming at him. I told her she was an idiot for handing him the beef and to knock it off. I told her to stop hitting him. She did. I think I was perfectly in the right there.

Another time, I wrote about another mother who was a complete idiot. I was in the right there too.

Tonight however, the tables got turned on me. After knowing me for exactly 10 seconds, a woman seated at the table across from me and my family made a judgment about me. "What kind of woman lets her little girl go to the bathroom with a man?" she said to her husband, but certainly loud enough for me to hear.

She didn't stop there though. She continued to rant and rave about me, seated just five feet away from me in a restaurant with only two other tables seated. Never mind the fact that I had just taken Lil C to the bathroom at the store we had come from. Never mind the fact that I was searching through my purse to find a band-aid for Big I. How could I allow my little girl to go to the bathroom with a man, her father? I mean, seriously, what kind of woman am I?

I took a couple deep breaths and tried to ignore her, but she didn't want me to ignore her. She obviously wanted me to hear her. She ranted at her husband, when she really should have been doing it to my face. Of course, she didn't have the guts for it, and after the day I had today, she's really quite lucky she didn't.

I was seconds away from saying something. My inner George Costanza was about to rear it's ugly movie theater head to tell her, "You know, after 10 seconds you've made your mind up about me huh? That "man" I just let my daughter go to the bathroom with is her father and we share parenting responsibilities. She's a 3-year old, and in case you're still stuck in the ice age, it's o.k. for daddy's to take their little girls to the bathrooms these days. So in your rush to make a judgment about me, maybe you'd also like to know that I gave up my career to stay at home with my children, that I drive my kids to their multiple activities each and every week, that I read stories to them all the time, that I prepare three home made meals a day for them pretty much every day of their lives, that I volunteer in my daughter's school every other week, and that I avoided every last drop of caffeine when I was pregnant with each of them despite the fact that I had headaches for three months straight because of it because I wanted them to be perfect and was terrified that I would harm them if I did get something to drink other than water. Did I mention the two natural child births that each topped 14.5 hours, for the same reasons as the caffeine? Maybe you'd also like to know that I keep every drawing they ever made for me, that I keep journals for each of them where I write letters to them, and that I spend pretty much all of my time on this Earth since they were born doing things to make them happy, and keep them safe and healthy. But see, in 10 seconds, and after one request for my husband to take our daughter to the bathroom, you figured me out, so good for you."

I would have also liked to call her a really bad name.

I didn't have to though, because her husband, after listening to her rant, said with disgust, "she's helping her other daughter for God's sake" and that finally shut her up.

After dinner, we went to Kmart and bought our Christmas tree. While in line waiting for the cashier to figure out why our tree wouldn't ring up, three aisles away a verbal argument began between two families. An Hispanic man, whom I had spent a great deal of time with in the Christmas tree aisle with his son and his friend, had touched the hand of the little girl belonging to the customer standing in line behind him. She was about to knock something down from the display and he removed her hand since her parents weren't paying any attention to her.

There was a scream of "don't touch my kid" instead of what should have been, "I'm so sorry, thank you." Then the colorful language started to fly. No one did anything except watch as the couple and this man and his friend began throwing obscenities at each other. Then the threats were made. "I'll see you in the parking lot and we'll settle this man to man." "If my son weren't here, I'd kick your. . ." and then they started yelling at each other to suck various body parts. The whole thing was ridiculous and completely bred of ignorance, stupidity and prejudice.

As security stood 20 feet away in the women's clothing, doing nothing, the cashiers nervously tried to keep things moving. It was uncomfortable and scary. I kept Big I and Lil C right near me in the aisle. I wanted to keep them out of eye sight and behind something substantial. What if a fight broke out? What if one of them was carrying a weapon? What if things did get crazy in the parking lot?

Eventually, the first group paid and left, threats still flying. Both families had young children with them. The second family, the ones who yelled instead of saying "thank you" was too afraid to go outside unescorted. As we packed our kids and our tree into the van, three police cars pulled up. The Hispanic guys were nowhere to be found. They had gone home. I took a guess that I'm betting was pretty accurate that the screaming was more the result of the fact that the Hispanic guys knew they were being targeted unfairly because they weren't white trash like the couple who wasn't watching their kid. The family still hadn't come out when we were leaving.

It made me glad I kept my inner Costanza inside at the restaurant. It may have made me feel better to tell that woman off, but I know what kind of mother I am and I certainly didn't need to prove myself to some ignorant stranger.

Neither did either of those guys.

I think I'll be doing the rest of my holiday shopping online.

Where were YOU eight years ago?

Despite my desperate ploy to land myself a spot on the show "The View" many months ago, I think it's always been quite obvious that I am not a fan of Joy Behar.  I'm not a Rosie fan either and I seriously think that Joy is becoming worse than Rosie could have ever been.

Last night, we made a brief stop on CNN and watched an interview portion where she, of all people, was talking politics. There is nothing that can increase my blood pressure more than watching Behar discuss politics. She made a bunch of statements about Sarah Palin, including stating that she thinks men like her more than women because "she's attractive." I just love when women discount the abilities of another because they feel she rode the good looks train to success. It makes me proud to have ovaries.

Or not.

As a man, I would take offense to that statement too. Are men only made of hormones? Are they only capable of appreciating a woman for her looks? Would a man be swayed to vote for an important office simply because someone looks attractive?

I was also irritated when she stated that Sarah Palin does not represent what women are looking for in a leader/politician. I also love it when especially liberal women think that they speak for all women.  They most certainly do not speak for me and the majority of my female friends.  I wish they would stop pretending they do.

I was also irritated because she began saying that Americans are not better off than we were eight years ago. I looked at Mr. BBM and said, "Where were we eight years ago?"

Eight years ago, to this very date, we were both unemployed. Big I was months old and I had decided to stay home. Because of this family decision, Mr. BBM had left his teaching job. Our house was for sale and he was in the process of trying to get into a training session which would hopefully lead to a job in a new field, one that could support the three of us without having two incomes.

We sold our house and moved in with my parents. We had one car that had "issues."

Eight years later, Mr. BBM has worked his way up the clinical research chain of responsibility into a very good job. We are living with my parents again, but only because the people who bought our house needed it earlier than our new home would be ready. We are building our dream home. I work, not one, but three part time jobs with a fourth on the horizon. I don't work these part time jobs because I need to; I do it because I want to. We have two cars and they are both paid off. We are markedly better off than we were eight years ago. 

Sure, the gas pump prices hurt these days, but they don't hurt enough to say that we've gone backwards on the scale of success as an entire nation.  Once again, Behar thinks she's speaking for everyone. She's not speaking for us.

We then began talking about our friends and family members and where they were eight years ago. We couldn't think of a single person we know who is not better off today than they were eight years ago. Not one.

I'm not discounting that we are experiencing some hard times. I'm not discounting that some people don't have jobs right now. I understand this, and I can sympathize with those people. I know what those times are like. We've been there. Past tense.

That's why grandiose statements about everyone being so much worse off don't work for me.  Where was Joy Behar eight years ago?  I've venture a guess that she's much more well off now as well.

While comments (whether they agree with me or not) are always welcome, comments that are insensitive, insulting, and malicious will be promptly deleted. I realize we're in hot political times, and while this may be the United States of America where we have freedom of speech, on this blog, it's Black Belt Mama's way or the highway.

We'll Be Taking It All

After receiving another miserable offer yesterday, our realtor called the buyer's realtor to ask why they made such a crappy offer.  One of her reasons was that, we "didn't do anything to the place."  She said we "hadn't updated at all." 

Over the past almost five years, Mr. BBM and I have slowly worked our way through this house.  We've redone almost every single room in the house.  We both took it personally.  So, Mr. BBM and I decided this morning that if we were to reach an agreement with these people, we're going to let them know a couple things. 

First of all, we're taking all of the things we "didn't do" to the place.  The list will include the following:

• Ripping up the kitchen floor and leaving the cabinets bare, without the brushed nickel hardware. 
• Baldwin Brass hardware from the every bathroom in the house.  They don't need knobs, toilet paper holders or towel bars right?
• The new microwave and garbage disposal. 
• The suede paint on the dining room walls.  I'm sure the new buyers will enjoy the nasty sponge painting underneath.  We certainly did. . . NOT.
• The refinished cabinets in our master bathroom and all the paint on the walls too.  In fact, we'll put back up the three layers of old pink wallpaper if we can find some leftovers.  There was no sweat equity in that job at all.  Really.
• We're also going to scrape the paint off the girls' bathroom, and put back up the ugly border. 
• We'll also scrape paint off of both of the girls' rooms, the family room, and all of the hallways, ceilings and foyer.  We hope the new owners will enjoy the areas where the owner before us painted around furniture. 
• All the new carpeting in the hallways, on the stairs, in the master bedroom and the girls' rooms, the upgraded padding too.
• Don't mind the big hole in the wall in the foyer. We're taking the wireless security system.
• I hope they like cold showers, because we'll also be taking our new hot water heater.
• Also, the new front door deadbolt and lock, the new brass numbers on the house and all the paint surrounding the windows and doors on the front of the house.
• We're detaching and taking the sun deck too.  That's probably going to leave some holes. 

Oh well, the new owners can just pretend they have floor coverings, paint and that the holes we've left don't exist.  After all, we didn't do anything to the place right?

Oh, I almost forgot.  For the realtor who says we didn't do anything:

Honey, you didn't do anything either, besides make us mad.  So, I'm sure you won't mind reducing your commission by, oh 3%, since all you really did was open the door for them.  I mean, what did you really do to sell our house?  If your buyer's want 3% seller's assist, they can have your commission.  Feel like you're getting a raw deal? Yeah, that's how we feel.

Is it too early to have a glass of sangria???

Just call me Miss Gulch

When one lives in an area where there are leash laws, why do some people find it so impossible to follow the laws?  Why are these people always the ones with the dangerous dogs?  Why do they have to live in my neighborhood? 

Reasons I Want to Move:

1.  Better/Bigger yard for the kids
2.  Extra bedroom for guests
3.  Want a house without so many steps
4.  Neighbor who leaves Christmas decorations up until April (Did I mention that she's Jewish?), and thinks that her deck is the dumpster
5.  Psycho neighbors in the back of me who still don't get it that they need to have their damn dog on a freaking leash.

Go ahead and call me Miss Gulch.  As far as I'm concerned, Dorothy should have had that dog on a leash too.

I am livid, people.  LIVID.  If you've been reading me for a while, you remember vividly (as do I) the day I was carjacked by a pit bull.  Long story short, a pit bull jumped in my van, wouldn't leave and had to be picked up by animal control.  The owners were cited and a few days after my little event, the pit bulls (as in plural; they had two) attacked someone and were subsequently put down. 

I was relieved that it was over.  I took no joy in knowing that two animals had been put down, but I was relieved that I didn't have to worry about the safety of my children anymore.  Now, the same stupid owners who had no concept of leash laws are at it again. 

Tonight I was out in my back yard watering my garden when a pit bull puppy came running into my yard.  I instantly knew it was a pit bull, dropped my hose and went into my house.  The dog came right up to my screen door, so I shut the main door and went bounding upstairs to spew my outrage at Mr. BBM.  I went out on my deck and there was the dog, digging in my freshly mulched garden with no owner in site.  I yelled at it to leave and went bounding up more stairs to report my findings.

Mr. BBM went outside and stood at the edge of our yard.  The pit bull puppy came right up to him and was actually very friendly.  Its owner came a few minutes later.  From Lil C's bedroom window, I hissed, "say something!" so he did.

"Dog get off its leash?" Mr. BBM inquired.

"No," its stupid owner said, "she plays with [other stupid dog that I also reported for being in my yard all the time] in his yard and ran away.

Mr. BBM then expressed his displeasure at her dog running around and told her that he preferred that she keep her dog on a leash since our girls are outside and will be afraid. (By "girls," I'm fairly certain he meant me.)

She mumbled something and walked home.  I watched her walk home so I was sure it was the same house and it most certainly is.  I was going to just stew about it.  The puppy had been nice enough to Mr. BBM.  The owner had eventually retrieved her (without an apology though).  Then I talked to my other neighbor who told me that the dog was up in our yards over the weekend too.  These are the same owners who raised two other animals that were violent.

The camel's back is broken.

I called the police officer I spoke to in the past.  I don't want this becoming an issue throughout the warm months.  I want to be able to be outside and not worry about some random dog coming up to us.  In case you haven't figured it out, I'm not exactly a dog person and I shouldn't have to worry about the possibility of being carjacked again or having my garden ruined by some dog and its irresponsible owner. 

I explained to the officer that I just wanted the name of the person again (I had thrown it away thinking the problem was over) so I could report the incident to the township which would send them a warning letter.  I told him that enough of my neighbors already think I'm Miss Gulch and I don't want to overreact but. . .

He cut me off.  Puppy or not, friendly or not, they are breaking the law.  He said he was going to personally call them and warn them to keep their dog on a leash from now on.  He told me if I see the dog off its leash again, to call them immediately.

An hour before the encounter with the new pit bull, my kids were playing on the patio in their sandbox.  I repeatedly came inside the house to grab them juice boxes, tissues and toys.  I had finally relaxed enough to feel comfortable doing so. 

Miss Gulch got a really bad wrap and was completely misunderstood; and I can NOT wait until I move. 

In Search of Art

Over the weekend, a friend of mine sent me a link to this article: "For Senior, abortion a medium for art, political discourse."  (Now there are all kinds of news stories saying it's "creative fiction."  For the record, the "artist" still says it's real.)  The short and not sweet version of it is basically this: some messed up chick inseminated herself multiple times over a 9 month period, then induced abortion, and took video and pictures of herself doing so in the name of art.  (You should know that she's referring to these multiple incidents as "miscarriages."  FYI to the art student, it's only a "miscarriage" if it's a natural occurrence.  It's called abortion when you do it to yourself and want it to happen.) That's right people; she's displaying everything from the videos to the blood.  She decided to run her body through multiple induced miscarriages/abortions to "spark conversation and debate on the relationship between art and the human body."  Here's some conversation for you on that.

I am absolutely aghast about this.  What professor approves such a reckless and disgusting project?  What kind of person thinks this is a good idea?  This is one project that carries the whole, "my mind, my body, my choice" thing a bit too far.  This type of "project" should not be an option or a choice.  It's just plain sick. 

This misguided and obviously in-need-of-help individual thought she was making art, when in fact she was starting human lives and disposing of them so that she could create what she deems to be "art."  What's next?  Let's shoot people and take pictures of the aftermath to spark conversation about violence? 

If she wants to do things to her own body, fine; but when she decided to use potential human lives as toys in her stupid little game, she crossed the line. I'd also like to know more about this so-called self insemination.  What does that mean exactly?  She had sex with random people?  She went to a fertility clinic and was inseminated there?  If that's the case, I'd like to know which idiots continued to inseminate this obviously disturbed woman.  When I think about all the people I know who desperately want to add to their family and can't, it makes me even more sick.  Recently there have been some seriously disturbing displays of art, but this little abortion project is the absolute worst. 

Another blogger recently posted a link to pictures of dead people that was also being called "art."  Readers of her blog posted hundreds of comments talking about the "beauty" of these pictures and stating that anyone who doesn't like them can't deal with their own mortality.  Maybe I'm guilty of that, because I thought the pictures were disturbing and anything but art.  But what I'd really like to know is this: when did "art" stop being Monet and Picasso and start becoming a must-push-the-limits toying with human lives and subsequent death?

If these displays are "art," then I can do without.  Paint brush anyone?

We've Got it ALL Wrong

When I was a high school English teacher, my students spent an entire week of our Julius Caesar unit decorating the classroom to look like ancient Rome.  While many students in the other sections of 10th grade were busy working on study guides, my students were studying architecture and erecting carpet rolls into pillars, drawing replicas of the statues and art seen at that time that were hung up around my classroom and preparing to become ancient Romans.  On one of these days, a principal was walking the halls and noticed that the entrance to my room now had pillars as seen in all the Caesar movies.  He walked in and was shocked to find that he had been transported back to ancient Rome. 

My students didn't sit at their desks for that unit and take turns reading lines.  Instead they requested parts and stood in the front of the classroom and acted the play out.  It was a play after all, meant to be acted out, not read like a newspaper.  I can pretty much guarantee you that my students had a much better understanding of Julius Caesar and what actually happened than the students who sat in other classrooms filling out 18 pages of study guide while they tried to read the play independently.

During my second year of teaching, the English teachers and administration decided that students should have 10-15 minutes of SSR (Silent Sustained Reading) in our classrooms. I was all for it.  I knew that many of my students didn't pick up a book outside of the classroom and I was happy that we were told to give them that time to read.  Each quarter they created a cool project based on something they read.  Some of my students crafted tattered looking journals of what it might be like to live on a deserted island.  Others made fashion portfolios of what the styles might have been during the time period they were reading about.  It was a great way to get others interested in the books and the students really seemed to enjoy sharing what they had read and learned. 

Half way through the year, the administration changed their mind, and told us that we should instead use 10-15 minutes a day drilling out students with multiple choice questions as seen on the state tests.  A veteran teacher and I spoke up.  We told the administration that all the research out there says that teaching to the test teaches nothing but how to take that test.  No real learning takes place. The research also states that students who are exposed to active learning, who aren't forced to take standardized type test after standardized tests, actually do better on standardized tests overall.  It didn't matter.  Despite a Master's degree and many hours of classes that said otherwise, we were overruled. That was my last year of teaching.

Since I left the world of education, it's only gotten worse.  I have several friends who are still teaching in classrooms and the emphasis on testing, testing, testing, is stronger now than it ever was.  Today I read an interesting article in The Wall Street Journal about students in Finland.  The Finns are kicking our butts.  I read the article with great interest and there are several things that stand out as much different from the classrooms of today. 

First, the Finns don't start going to school until they are over the age of seven (To all those who have silently shaken their head at me for not putting my kids in preschool or Big I in full day Kindergarten, read that line again).  They rarely have more than a half hour of homework per night.  They don't have clubs, honor societies, sports or tracked classes, and there is little or no standardized testing.  Despite the fact that their teachers have the freedom to come up with their own materials and choose the books and materials for their classrooms, the students score higher than every other country in the world in science.  In math, they're number two, coming in a point behind Taiwan.  In reading, they score only slightly less than South Korea, also coming in second.  In Finland, teachers are trusted to do what's right for their students and they're obviously doing it. 

When people from other countries go to observe their classrooms, they find simple chalkboards, not technologically laden classrooms, an environment where the more advanced students are helping the slower students, highly educated teachers, and kids who take responsibility for their own learning and actions. 

I can't tell you how many times I had parents calling me to make excuses for their kids on why they couldn't complete their homework or show up after school for extra help.  Only about 30% of my students completed their homework each night.  The other 70% didn't want to take responsibility for their learning.  These were the same students who came groveling to me the week before report cards came out asking if they could still turn in those 10 assignments that never got finished.  I had parents and coaches who came lobbying for these special privileges as well.  For the record, I never caved in. The Finns don't seem to have these problems. 

When they come here for student exchanges though, they are often asked to repeat the year upon returning.  In the article, one student who spent a year in the states said that all her tests were multiple choice, a project consisted of spending an hour gluing a poster and most kids didn't complete their homework.  So why do teachers do these types of things when they obviously aren't working for the students here? 

Education administration is so ridiculously top-heavy.  While there are plenty of good administrative people, there are plenty of people who sit at the top collecting top dollar salaries and dictating to teachers what's best for their students when they haven't stepped foot in a classroom in a decade.  Administration and government need to get out of the classrooms and let the teachers do their jobs.  Given the time and materials and freedom to do so, I think most teachers would choose to forgo the multiple choice tests that administration dictates are necessary and create more active learning environments where true learning takes place.  There's a reason why even my Special Education students had a better comprehension of Shakespeare than some of the other kids from classrooms where they just sat and read Caesar. I didn't do anything in that unit that translated to state tests, but the learning was apparent.   

While educators from around the world are studying how the Finns are getting it done, I think they should be looking in both the classroom and beyond.  It's not just how teachers are teaching in the classroom.  It's also the home life that matters.  The truth is that there are a great many parents who are not involved enough in their children's lives here.  We have students who don't take responsibility for their actions or education.  We have a society full of people who don't see the importance of learning for the sake of learning.  This is something that has to change, and the first place it has to happen in order for us to compete with the rest of the world is in the home.

***Speaking of "education," Monday begins Admired Martial Artists Month here at BBM.  I'm SO excited for Monday.  The articles are rolling in from our esteemed list of contributors and I think you're going to REALLY enjoy reading what they have to say!  Grab the button and help spread the word!  Thanks to Becky for all the great buttons!!!

How to Make a Head McExplode Part II

I dropped Big I off at a play date yesterday and there was no way I was getting Lil C out of that house quietly without some serious bribery.  When you are wearing a leg brace, it's just not worth it to cause a temper tantrum.  I'm wisely choosing my battles.  So, I promised her a happy meal from McDonald's and she was more than happy to leave with me like a little angel.

We went to the drive-thru.  I ordered a meal for me that cost $4.98 and a happy meal for Lil C.  There was a sign up that said, "Order any extra-value meal and get a happy meal for $.99".  Perfect.  So, my total before tax should have been $5.97.  I couldn't hear my total through the speaker, and their display monitor wasn't working properly.  I should have seen trouble coming right then and there.

When I pulled up to the window, the woman reached for my credit card and said my total was $9.54.  WHAT? 

I politely told her that the amount was incorrect.  She didn't even allow me to finish my statement before she started barking at me (as if I'd just called her a horrendous name or something) that "I don't punch in the orders; I just take the money.  If it says it's $9-something, then that's what it is."

Now I'm annoyed, and my head is about to mcexplode.  This happens at McDonald's a lot.

"Well actually, that's not what it is.  My meal costs $4.98 and the happy meal is $.99.  That equals $5.97, nowhere near $9 and I'm not paying $9."  I considered asking her to add it up in her head but realized that this was probably an unrealistic request considering my treatment thus far.  I did the work for her and still. . .

"Well, that's what it says," she barks back at me.

"Well, then you're going to need to go find someone who knows how to fix it and work the cash register because I'm not giving you my credit card until you do."  I contemplated driving away, but there was Lil C to consider and also the principle of the matter.

She then proceeds to bark at me that "I can't see the breakdown until I charge you and print out the receipt.

"Well, then you're going to need to find someone who can," I tell her, "because that's just going to make extra work for both of us-you over-charging me, and me having to get you to take the charge off when this is already proving difficult enough for you."

"Well I didn't do it!" she yells at me.

"I didn't say you did," I said back to her calmly.  "I just told you that the total is not correct and asked you politely to please fix it.  If you can't do that, then kindly find someone who can and will.  I'm not going to be overcharged $3."

Maybe money grows on trees (or by overcharging customers) for McDonald's, but I work hard for mine.  Meanwhile, the cars are lining up behind me. 

She slams the window and leaves the area in a huff.  My blood was boiling on the inside. I believe I started breathing as if trying to get through a bad labor contraction.  She comes back, punches a couple things into the cash register and amazingly enough, my charge is reduced by $3.  Amazing.  It turns out those cash registers can take charges off.  Who would have ever thought they could do such an incredible thing????  They seem to just need a willing human being to work them.

I hand her my credit card and she hands me back my receipt.  It's only as I'm driving away that I see that she actually charged me ten cents more than she should have for the happy meal.  I didn't go back.

It's just not worth it.  I think we're done at McDonald's.  My blood pressure will thank me, and so will our arteries.   

So NOT Cool

This is "light mix turning into rain by rush hour":

The roads are covered with snow.  Roads are closed due to accidents.  It will probably take Mr. BBM three hours to get home.  I almost fell on my butt when I had to retrieve Big I from school because I can't fit boots over my stupid immobilizing brace and it was slippery out there.  It's rush hour and the snow is coming down like crazy.  So not COOL!

Oh, almost forgot to mention that when I got in the car to go get Big I, I attempted to clear off the windows without having to walk around with the scraper.  I lowered the windows, but the stupid automatic thing on my driver side window brought the window the entire way down which brought a big old pile of snow right into my lap.  Also NOT cool.  Actually quite cool as my heated seat quickly melted the snow onto my pants. GRR. 

Here's another thing that's not cool.  This is my leg:

 

I stood in front of the mirror the other day in my underwear and could not believe the difference in my legs.  The difference is just ridiculous.  It's not at all unlike that chicken leg.  I think it's a cruel joke for women who have ACL surgery.  As women, we always carry more weight on the upper thigh/butt area.  If ACL surgery is going to take away my muscle, at the VERY LEAST, it could also take away some of the upper thigh/butt area.  Just call me KFC BBM because that's what I look like.  It is so not fair, and SO NOT COOL!

Here's yet one more thing that's not cool.  Mr. BBM and I bought our new exercise bike primarily for me and my rehabilitation.  On the first night we had it, I was already hurting from PT so I didn't take a turn on the bike.  Mr. BBM spent the whole evening on the thing. 

The next day, I went to ride the bike before my shower.  The seat was so insanely high that I could barely get on the thing.  Once I did, it only took a second to realize I was NEVER going to be able to make this work.  I jumped off the bike onto my good leg and tried to adjust the seat.

SWEAT.

FRUSTRATION.

SCREAMING.

SWEARING.

And a phone call. . . Mr. BBM answers his work phone.

"What the hell are you trying to prove?  (Mr. BBM tries to inquire why I'm so upset but I continue. . .) No seriously, what are you trying to prove?  I just spent the past 10 minutes trying to adjust the seat that SOMEONE screwed on so ridiculously tight that I will NEVER be able to move it.  I can't ride the bike, and who did we buy this bike for?  Me, right?  ME!  It's just like when you screw the cap on the bottle of soda too tight that I can't open it.  Are you trying to prevent me from drinking soda?  Are you trying to prevent me from riding the bike?  Just as you show common courtesty in lowering the toilet seat, do a girl a favor and lower the bike seat when you're done, especially if you are going to be intent on proving you are Hercules."

So

NOT

COOL!   

If it Looks like a Rat. . .

For a moment, imagine you are a model.  You've always taken good care to make sure you accept projects that are respectable.  You don't want your image tarnished because you have a husband, children and even elementary students since your day job is as a graduate student in elementary education. 

You accept a job modeling a necklace.  You go to the shoot, and film several different scenarios.  They're all family friendly and potentially humorous.  At the end of the shoot, while wearing a silky lingerie camisole and necklace, you're asked to lay down on the red satin sheets and writhe around a bit as if you're a-hem, enjoying something. 

When the ad comes out, the only thing you see is yourself writhing around on the sheets, looking "happy."  All that funny family-friendly footage is gone.  This is what remains. If you can't see the video, go here for the video direct from you tube.  (This is totally not work safe unless you watch it on mute.  I wouldn't watch it around your children either unless you plan on having a lengthy discussion that you might not yet be ready to have):

Need a minute?  Understandable. . .

(Twiddling thumbs). . .  ready now? 

So, you do what any scorned American would do, right?  You sue the company for portraying you in such a manner and expect to get $5 million out of it. 

If I didn't know better, I would think that this entire thing (commercial and lawsuit) is a publicity stunt pulled by Szul.com and the model to gain "buzz" about their ad campaign and to get their name out there.  I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine someone being stupid enough to think that footage like this wouldn't be used if you allow it to be filmed.  We live in America where sex sells.  Let's see, humorous commercial featuring a necklace, or one with a woman writhing around on a bed? I'm putting my money on the bed images to get more attention.  How about you? 

This isn't some young, naive girl either.  She's a grown woman, in her 30's with a family and a career other than modeling.  If she's been in the business for so long, then why couldn't she spot a bad situation.  If I'm a model and I go to film a funny commercial and someone asks me to put on lingerie and writhe around on satin sheets, I think I'm probably going to sense that there is a serious problem and get myself out of there.  If she was so concerned about not tarnishing her "wholesome" image, then why did she agree to do this anyway?  It's not like someone stood there with a gun and made her do what she did. 

Congratulations to Szul.com for finding a way to get their previously unknown name out there in ways they could not ever have imagined.   There's nothing like another frivolous lawsuit to get the attention of the entire country and beyond. 

Why Parents Need to be Involved

I found this article today and it made me so angry.  A 39 year old karate school owner took sexual advantage of a 15-year old female student at his karate school.  If you read the article, you'll see that the girl was made to sign an "oath of obedience" for her training.  What I want to know is this?  Where were the girls parents when she was being asked to sign such a document?  No daughter of mine would ever be allowed to sign such a document; and I would NEVER allow my kids to train at a place where I wasn't allowed to watch every second.

If there is one thing I can't stand, it's martial artists who proclaim to uphold the values of the martial arts when their intentions are completely classless.  Any adult who takes advantage of a child should rot as far as I'm concerned.  This is just one of many incidents like this, where young impressionable students are taken advantage of under the guise of martial arts training.  It really is a shame that there is no governing board to take care of disgusting people like this, because this certainly isn't the first time and it won't be the last. 

As a former teacher in a public school, I had to submit to background checks and finger-printing.  I'm starting to think that any type of teacher, including karate teachers, should have to undergo these types of screenings.  Anyone can start up a karate school, put up inflated claims about who they are and what they know, and use it as a base for seedy behavior. 

How do people like that live with themselves? I hope they throw the book at this guy, teaching others like him a much needed lesson. 

Why Do We Care SO MUCH about Celebrity Butts?

In my next life, I am coming back as a man.  Men don't tear their ACL's nearly as often as women do.  Men don't face the kind of scrutiny that Jennifer Love Hewitt is facing over her derriere. 

Seriously, what is wrong with PEOPLE?

There is nothing that infuriates me more than when people take a female celebrity and start insulting her up and down because of a body part that is less than perfect.  This certainly isn't the first time. I know it won't be the last time. News flash!!!!

NO ONE IS PERFECT!  No one!

Unlike a lot of attacked celebrities, Jennifer Love-Hewitt has decided to speak up and I'm so glad she did.  How I would LOVE to see the cellulite on those so critical of Love-Hewitt's heiney; because I can pretty much guarantee you that those who are being critical have plenty of imperfections themselves. 

In a society where eating disorders run rampant in the teenage population and beyond, news stories like this drive me insane.  We have young girls getting nose jobs, botox injections, and subjecting themselves to all kinds of risky procedures to be more "beautiful" in the eyes of society.  As the mother of two daughters, I am sick about how we dissect womens bodies every single day in the media.  People need to realize that the gross majority of pictures in magazines are airbrushed, photo shopped and manipulated to make women look flawless.  No one is flawless. 

***When you calm down after reading this rant, be sure to visit The BBM Review.  Leave a comment on the Baby Jamz post and you're entered to win a new toy!

Thankful to live in the USA

Have you seen this? (and this version of the same news report?) A 19-year old woman in Saudi Arabia was gang raped by seven men.  Because she was in a car with a male who was not her relative, but rather a student she used to know, she is being punished with six months in jail and 200 lashes.  She will be permanently scarred from those lashes, not like being gang-raped by seven men wouldn't be scarring enough or anything.  I should also mention the number of lashes was doubled when she went to the media to try to get help. 

It's when I read about things like this, that it makes me appreciate how lucky I am to live in the country that I do.  We're not perfect here.  We have problems with womens issues and we certainly have issues with rape here too.  But I doubt there is a single person in this country who thinks that a victim of gang-rape by seven men needs any additional punishment for her so-called "crime." 

When I was in graduate school, I used to tutor three master's level students from Saudi Arabia.  I helped them as an ESL (English as a Second Language) tutor.  We would often sit and have long conversations about Saudi Arabia and what life was like there.  One of my students told me that there was virtually no crime there because those who steal lose their hands, quite a deterrent for a shop-lifter.  While it's all fine and good that their robbery rates may be lower, the media is often reporting vicious rapes that punish the victims.  We also hear about honor killings where families believe that once a woman has been raped, it's their responsibility to kill their own family member to restore honor to their family.

It's this warped kind of thinking that infuriates me.  It shows a complete lack of respect for women.  It shows a complete inability to empathize with a victim.  It gives men free reign to do whatever they want to the poor women who live in countries with ridiculous laws like these, because women don't want to report the crime for fear that they'll be given lashes and jail time as well, if not worse.  While the men in the Saudi Arabia incident are being punished with jail time, what they're doing to the woman is nothing short of disgusting. They are taking a young victim of a violent crime and further destroying her. 

For those who might say that it's none of our business what they are doing in Saudi Arabia and other countries that buy into this ridiculous mind set, I couldn't disagree more.  What they're doing to that woman and others like her is a crime that should concern us all.  It's a crime against human decency.

Edited to add:  Al Jazeera states in their article covering this issue, that the male friend of the rape victim was also raped by the men.  He too, received 90 lashes.  While the US papers are reporting that the rapists have been sentenced to five years in prison, Al Jazeera states that the men are receiving 1-5 years in jail.  Big difference.  All parties are receiving lashes.  Click on the second link above to read the full story. My point is that the sentencing the victims to lashes is ludicrous!   

How to Make a Head McExplode

McDonald's is our once a week, Mommy-can't-take-being-a-short-order-chef-anymore, treat.  Despite the fact that Big I is professing her undying devotion to vegetarianism these days, she will still make an exception for chicken mcnuggets, and I'm happy to oblige.  We usually do this "treat" on one of our karate days. 

It's no secret that you're not going to get 5-star service when you go to McDonald's; but one would think, that with all the technology, they could get at least most things about your order correct. 

Today, I ordered two chicken nugget happy meals and a Big & Tasty meal.  I got my meal large-sized because I'm a pig like that I share fries with the kids.  Just go with it.  I was impressed because the girl even asked me what kind of sauce we wanted for the nuggets.  That rarely happens. 

Just as the girl was saying "Thank you and pull around to window two" I noticed that they had my meal on the screen as medium sized.  Before I pulled up, I asked her if she could change it to large-sized and she said it wasn't a problem. 

I should have known better.

I pulled up to the window, handed my credit card to the girl and she ran it through.  She handed me my receipt.  If I had known that upsizing my meal was going to cost an additional $6, I would have told her to forget it.  A quick scan of the receipt showed that they had charged me for two Big & Tasty meals. 

I showed her the receipt and she went to get her manager.  The manager took my credit card back, and refunded my money.  She also apologized profusely.  It was really no big deal.  Besides, I was too busy breaking up a brawl in the back seat to really care too much. 

Then the girl started handing me my drinks.  Two chocolate milks and a large diet coke, along with two kids and a bag from Staples, complete with a very sore wrist, make for a very stressed mama.  I asked for a drink carrier.  Why did I have to ask for one?  If you're giving more than two drinks and there are only little hands to help, offer a drink carrier!  It's not that hard!

Still I stayed nice.  McDonald's was giving my kitchen the night off.  I was still somewhat happy.

The girl handed me my drink carrier, and three bags.  I quickly checked the happy meals and saw the appropriate items.  Then, after already pulling away from the window, I quickly checked my meal.  There was no Big & Tasty to be found, only a grilled chicken club sandwich in its place.  I quickly ran in and asked for my Big & Tasty.  Instead of exchanging my sandwiches they just told me to keep both. 

I went back out to the car and home.

Upon arriving home, the girls and I were getting set up, and guess what?

No sauce.

No napkins.

No straws.

The good news is that when I pulled the receipt out, the manager had taken off not one, but two Big & Tasty burgers from my receipt which means that I got my burger and the chicken club for free.  However, I'm going to consider it my reward for having to put up with the whining that ensured when the girls realized they had no sauce or straws, and also as repayment for all of the forgotten nuggets, sauces, and chocolate milks of days gone by.

Next time I think I want to go to McDonald's, maybe I'll just stay home and bang my head on a wall instead.

***The latest review is up at The BBM Review.  If you're a martial artist, you won't want to miss this review, which tells you how you can get authentic kobudo weapons.  This is another debut by one of the writers for The BBM Review so go and give him some love.  (I'll be adding my own review when I get my custom made purpleheart tunfa in a few weeks. Woo hoo!)       

Like a Sore Thumb

I recognized him instantly and it sent a chill down my spine.  He stood there with a grocery basket in my grocery store.  He wore a black baseball hat, a baggy t-shirt to match, and held an unlit cigarette in his hand. He stood apart from everyone else in the store.  Instinctively, I held Lil C a little closer to me and was happy I hadn't stuck her immediately in the truck cart. 

I made sure to make eye contact with him.  I wanted to send him a message that I knew exactly who he was, and that I am no one to be messed with.  It wasn't just my paranoia.  My husband recognized him instantly too.  After we were out of earshot, we both spoke at the same time, "That was definitely him."

About a month ago, I got an email from Family Watchdog.  I had registered with them a while ago.  Their site offers information on how to keep your children safe.  They also offer notifications when a sex offender moves into your area.  I have 111 sex offenders living in my area, but this email greatly disturbed me.  This sex offender had moved .4 miles from my house, on the same street that I live on. 

I was able to see his picture and some of the details of his arrest.  When I took a walk with the girls a few days later, I realized that we often walk right past his apartment.  It made me sick.  I can deal with it when they live a few miles away, but within a few minutes walking distance is just entirely too close for comfort. 

I don't believe that sex offenders can be rehabilitated, especially those who go after children.  People who go after minors have serious mental problems that can not be solved by a short jail sentence. I know all the issues with full jails, but I don't think that convicted sex offenders should see the light of day.  Why should I have to trust that they will treat me and my children with respect, when they have already shown once that they can't? 

I once read a research study somewhere that said that those who commit sexual assault are likely to be repeat offenders.  My sister used to work with sex offenders.  One day, one of the sex offenders attacked one of her co-workers.  Once they've done it once, they will do it again.  It's only a matter of time and opportunity. 

I know that they are walking amongst us all, but to recognize one of them so clearly in my own grocery store was so unsettling. I think about how I used to play outside for hours at a time when I was a little girl.  My girls are under constant supervision when they're outside.  My parents never really talked to me about "bad people" when I was little.  Sure, I got the "don't talk to strangers" that every kid gets; but I have already had in depth conversations with Big I about what makes a good person, what makes a bad or dangerous person, and how she needs to handle herself if she's unsure.

There are arguments that the problem is no worse today than it was years ago, and that crimes involving sexual attacks are picked up and blown up by the media.  But it's hard to deny that there's a serious problem when you go to Family Watchdog, type in your address, and watch the screen light up with colored dots showing where convicted sex offenders live and work, within minutes of your home.  When they're also shopping at your grocery store, alongside you and your family, it really hits home.   

Britney's Booty and Other Rants

It's been a while since I let off some steam, so I thought I'd let you know the things that are on my nerves as of late.  Please feel free to share your thoughts as well. 

Britney Spears

I was at a wedding reception last night, so I missed what is being called a train wreck of a comeback.  Yes, I'm talking about Britney Spears.  Let's first get something straight.  I am no fan of Britney Spears, but I was curious as to how her opening performance at MTV's VMA awards was going to go.  I went to MTV's website and watched it for myself, after reading several scathing reviews on various news venues.  While I agree that her lip syncing was completely off, and that her dance moves lacked any sort of motivation or get-up-and go, I am highly annoyed at those out there talking about the state of her body.  That 25-year old train wreck has had two children in the past two years and she was on TV in a bikini.  No, she's not as cut as she used to be.  Yes, she has a bit more of a booty, but cut the girl a break already!  She's had two kids and she looks THAT good!?!  To quote John Stossel, "Give me a break!" 

Boys and Field Hockey

I read an article in my local newspaper about a problem with field hockey in my county.  Apparently, there are some schools who are allowing boys onto the girls field hockey teams.  Because of this, certain schools are putting in place policies that state that their all girls hockey teams will forfeit to any team with boys playing, rather than have their girls risk injury playing in a game against boys.  Last year, one of the local schools had three girls get injured during a single game against a team who had several boys playing.  One of the girls even required stitches. 

Now, if you know anything about field hockey, you know that there are strict rules against making body contact.  Field hockey can be a very rough sport (Ask my still bruised up shins if you don't believe me), but the injuries usually come from high sticks, and/or the ball.  Apparently, it's becoming more of a contact sport with the boys on the team. 

Here's my take on the whole thing.  If boys want to play field hockey, great; but get your own team.  I think it is ridiculous that boys are being allowed to play on a girls field hockey team while there are able-bodied girls sitting on the bench.  If a team doesn't have enough players, that's one thing; but sitting girls on the bench in order to play boys is not at all fair.  If Big I or Lil C ever play field hockey and a boy plays ahead of either of them, I'm going to have a serious problem with that.

While I'm all for equal rights, there are more sports for boys than there are for girls.  Cheerleading does not count as a sport. (Don't even argue with me on this one, because I am a former cheerleader.  Extracurricular "activity" I'll give you.  Sport?  No).  There is no valid reason for allowing boys to start taking over spots that should belong to girls on a girls team.  It's not like the boys don't have plenty of their own sports.     

Studies have shown that playing sports is highly beneficial for the self-esteem of girls.  Good self-esteem helps to keep girls out of bad situations: drugs, teenage pregnancy, excessive drinking, to name just a few.  I don't think that allowing boys to play on a girls team does anything to promote girls confidence, which is what girls sports are intended to do. 

When a bunch of girls at my high school decided it would be fun to play football, we rounded up enough girls to make a team and set up a game with another school who did the same.  If the boys want to play, they should get their own team, plain and simple.      

Fantasy Football

For those of you who don't know what it is, here are a couple definitions for you.  The first one is courtesy of wiki:

Fantasy Football is a fantasy sports game in which participants (called "owners"), arranged into a league, each draft or acquire via auction a team of real-life American football players and then score points based on those players' statistical performance on the field. A typical fantasy league will employ players from a single football league, such as the NFL or an NCAA division. Leagues can be arranged in which the winner is the team with the most total points at the end of the season, or in a head-to-head format (which mirrors the actual NFL) in which each team plays against a single opponent each week. At the end of the year, win-loss records determines league rankings or qualification into a playoff bracket. Most leagues set aside the last weeks of the regular season for their own playoffs.

Here's my definition:

Fantasy Football is the equivalent of banging your head against a brick wall on a continual basis with emphasis placed on Sunday's.  "Owners" choose a starting line-up and then watch their bench-goers get twice as many points as any of their starters which subsequently makes them wonder why they ever thought playing fantasy football would be fun in the first place.  Fantasy Football is an exercise in anger management like no other, where "owners" must either learn to deal with their anger appropriately or suffer a fantasy football related aneurysm. 

Examples:  BBM chooses to play Ladainian Tomlinson and Maurice Jones-Drew as her starting running backs for week one.  LT scores 19 fantasy points.  Maurice Jones-Drew scores 3 fantasy points. Adrian Peterson (sitting on my bench) scores 29 fantasy points.  Don't get it?  Here's another one for you:  Marc Bulger scores 13 fantasy points.  My bench QB, Ben Roethlisberger scores 32 fantasy points.  Want another one?  Here you go:  Vince Young scores 9 fantasy points, while my benched QB Jake Delhomme scores 27 fantasy points.  Think that's bad?  My opponent's starting QB, Drew Brees scores 1 point while his bench QB Tony Romo scores 42 points.  He's still probably going to beat me, which makes me even more irritated.

Deep breath BBM, deep breath. . .

Feel free to post your thoughts, but keep it respectful or your comment will stay in the cave.

Only One Thing Worse. . .

There is only one thing worse than being Antonella Barba, the contestant whose racy photos are all over the internet . . .

Being her parents. 

I can not even imagine what they are going through right now.  As a parent of two daughters, I would be shocked and horrified if my daughter's photos started appearing all over the internet.  According to rumors in the form of news articles, the collection of photos were part of a calendar she gave to her long-time boyfriend (whom she dumped as soon as she got a ticket to Hollywood).  What did she think was going to happen with those photos?  As soon as she got her golden ticket to Hollywood, they became more valuable than she would ever know. 

Boyfriend is a transient term; they can be here today, gone tomorrow.  Truth be told, I wouldn't advocate creating a calendar with racy photos in it for anyone, including a husband.  Any and all relationships can come to bad endings and no one wants photo baggage following them around.  The problem is that once those photos have been taken, they can end up anywhere.  In Antonella's case, it's cyberspace fame and glory, but certainly not what she had hoped. 

I think that she will probably be sent packing tonight after a dismal try at a Celine Dion classic, and I certainly hope that's the case.  As a parent who likes to watch American Idol with my children, I can tell you that, in my opinion, Antonella is certainly no "American Idol."  It is possible, however, to learn something from her unfortunate circumstances.  Hopefully young girls will consider what they'd like to become famous for, and leave the nude/suggestive photos well alone. 

Soapbox time

I've had it up to my eyebrows with people being offended by mothers nursing their babies in public.  I've also had it with the old "cover up with a blanket" junk, because any nursing mom knows that from the time the baby is about three weeks old, that is no longer an option.  Trying to cover up with a blanket only results in a cranky baby who rips the blanket down, and frustration and exposure for all involved. 

I'm not advocating that women just whip out their breasts wherever and however they choose.  There's something to be said for being discreet, which describes 99.9% of nursing mothers. 

It's not an attention getting thing.  It's a nourishment thing, as in the baby is hungry, so I will feed my baby the way Mother Nature intended.  Although I am no longer nursing, I have nursed my babies in public locations many times: restaurants, malls, doctors offices, on the beach, etc.  I highly doubt anyone ever realized what I was doing, and if they did they were looking a bit too closely. 

I found out this week that my state, the state of Pennsylvania, is one of only 13 states that has no legislation supporting a Mother's right to nurse in public.  That has to change.

It's not that Mom's want to sit topless somewhere in the middle of the grocery store, or that I think they should be doing that because I don't.  But there should be something protecting a woman and her baby's right to feed and be fed. 

I would invite anyone who thinks that Mom's should go to the bathroom to nurse, or cover up with a blanket to eat their meals in a public restroom with a blanket over their heads. I think we all need to show a little more understanding and empathy towards other human beings in general.  And there's no better place to start than with Mom's and babies. 

If you live in the state of Pennsylvania, there are many people you can contact.  If you don't live in the state of PA, find out who you can contact if your state is one of the 13.  In the state of PA, the contacts are as follows.  Click on the name to go to the site where you can send your email. 

Governor Rendell

PA State Senate

PA State Representatives

For more information on this topic and for specifics on what nursing Mom's are dealing with this week, go see IzzyMom.  You won't even believe what she posted about this issue.

And just in case there are any dissenters out there, this is not your soapbox.  Comments will be deleted if they are in any way rude or inappropriate.  It's my blog after all. And as a warning, IzzyMom was able to track down the employer of a rude commenter and promptly reported the threatening emails to the employer today.  We bloggers are pretty computer savvy, especially when we're ticked off!

Edited to add:  Apparently there is already legislation in process in the state of PA.  To make sure it gets passed this session, please contact your House Representatives.  PA House Representative Babette Josephs has introduced this legislation.  I'm already getting some excellent responses from the House Representatives in support of this bill, and will be sure to post the names of those in support.     

Losers

While running errands today, the girls and I went to Target.  Outside, there were about ten boys lined up behind a poster board that said, "Play Station 3 Line Starts Here".  They had laptops, beverages, food, chairs. . . in fact, one of them even brought an unholstered wing chair for the occassion.  He must have been the big deal, because he was at the front of the line in his wing chair. 

While we were walking past them, Big I asked me, "Mommy, why are those boys all sitting there like that?" 

"Well, Big I, it's because they really really really don't want to EVER have a girlfriend.  That's why."  I said it loud enough for them to hear, and one of them actually laughed in a good-natured way.  And then I said, "You do realize it doesn't come out for like two more days.  How will you even go to the bathroom?" 

I didn't wait around for their answer.  I wonder if they thought about that before they started their vigil for the PS3. 

I think they're losers, but then again, they'll be losers with a brand spanking new Play Station 3.  (I wonder if I could get one of them to stand in line for a Wii for me?).